So it looks like the Cubs have gone with not-so-sweet Lou Piniella as their manager.

To be quite honest, I have no idea whether Lou or Joe Girardi was the right choice. Neither does Jay.  Or any other columnist for that matter… even if they sound like they do.

Predictably, Jay’s “welcome” column for Pinella is filled with the same sort of gloom and doom and curse-this and bad-karma-that nonsense he’s been trotting out since he got here:

“But now [Piniella’s] in Cubdom, where no fine manager should ever finish a career.  We’d wish him well, but really now, what good would it do?”

Translation:  “I’d wish him well, but writing about the Cubs’ collective failures has grown so easy for me over the years, I’d hate to have to actually develop some original thoughts.”

We all know Jay doesn’t handle success well.  Notice the most interesting thing he’s had to say since the Bears started winning is a half-assed suggestion they need to suspend Ricky Manning Jr.

Granted, things don’t look great for the Cubs right now.  But how good did they look for the Tigers a few years ago?  We’ve seen both colors of Sox end equally dramatic curses in just the last few years.  There is absolutuely no reason the same thing can’t happen here.

Jay doesn’t want you to believe that, though.  He feeds off neurotic fans and bad fortune.  With the Cubs as the last truly tortured fan base in town (since the Blackhawks no longer have a fan base) he can’t afford to have them turn things around.

Mariotti isn’t alone in this kind of work.  Dan Shaughnessy in Boston made a career out of “The Curse of the Bambino.” Storied franchises with historic bad luck make for great drama.  And some people like making a name for themselves using a city’s collective pain.

My advice?  Don’t let them.  Things may look bleak right now, but don’t buy into this ridiculous concept that some greater power is conspiring to keep a team down and torment a city.  Just look forward to the day Jay has to awkwardly eat his words and acknowlege he was, once again, wrong. 

I just wanted to remind everyone that they can register for the site and have the ability to comment by clicking on the little link over to the right.  That’s all.  (I also wanted to test out the “sticky” function.)

I’ve spent a few months here pointing out all of the petty resentment that Jay holds in that tiny, tiny body of his.  I don’t understand how he hasn’t become tired of taking cheap, underhanded shots at people who call him on his amazing ability to be wrong.

Sunday’s column is just more of the same from Jay.  He writes a column that has absolutely no point, and is little more than an opportunity for him to slam the White Sox.

He mentions Magglio Ordonez being called a “Venezuelan fuck” by Ozzie, even busting out his favorite new word: “slur.”

He talks about Kenny Williams calling Frank Thomas an “idiot.”

He blasts Reinsdorf for making the new start time 7:11.

Meanwhile, the column has absolutely nothing of substance.  He reiterates what other columnists have been writing about for months: Maggs and Thomas are friends.  He mentions that Maggs hit a game winning home run.  He mentions that Frank had a poor ALCS.  But is there any sort of theme or direction pulling the entire “piece” together?  No!

The entire article is nothing but an excuse to belittle a franchise that won a World Series less than a year ago (I have ten more days of saying that, and I plan on taking advantage).  It’s getting to the point where even Jay can’t take himself seriously anymore.

Ever since I was a kid I’ve had mixed feelings about the Bears and Monday Night Football.

The NFL’s top telecast brought me two of the worst Bears-related memories from my childhood. I’ve written before about the infamous beating the ‘85 team took from Dan Marino and the Dolphins, spoiling a perfect season and providing me with my first crushing sports memory.  The other is the epic 33-6 slaughter Brett Favre handed down on Halloween night in 1994, one of many Favre routs I channel every time I find myself feeling even the least bit bad about his current situation.

Even when the Bears were good, they were always awful come Monday night.  With a 16-32 franchise record, including losses in their last four appearances, part of me always feared the worst when they took football’s biggest stage.

On the other hand, the only thing worse than getting spanked on Monday night is not being on Monday night at all.  Whenever you scan a team’s schedule and don’t see a single late start, it’s a pretty good indication the NFL schedulers aren’t so keen on your team’s chances.

And in most years when the Bears weren’t on primetime, the league was right.

So even if the Bears don’t traditionally fare well on Mondays, I was excited this season when I spotted not one, but two (@ St. Louis, Dec. 11) of them on the schedule before the season started.  It always feels good to be relevant.

I don’t see any reason to link the Bears’ past futility to this team, since there haven’t exactly been an abundance of Monday games during Lovie Smith’s tenure.  Of course, if the unthinkable happens Monday...I’ll know what to blame.

Either way, it’s good to be back on primetime.  Even if it now means listening to Joe Theisman for a few hours.

All the signs of a romantic fall in Chicago are here: leaves have been falling, the first snowfall has been mentioned, and Jay Mariotti is in love.

Cornrows or the ‘Fro? That’s what we need to know, bro. A windy chill always whips off West Madison Street as winter nears, but Ben Wallace has brought $60 million worth of warmth and absurdly overdue championship hope, comforting us with his rebounds and his blocks and his 3.8-percent body fat and, of course, the way he wears his hair.

Wow.  Ignore the fact that not winning a championship for eight seasons does not make Chicago “absurdly overdue.” Ignore that Jay actually uses the word “bro.” Try to focus on his complete man crush on Ben Wallace.

Ben is obviously a crackling log in the fire that warms our dear friend, as Jay admits that the star’s hair and his 3.8-percent body fat comfort him on a windy fall day.  Later in his column he admits his giddy excitement over seeing Ben’s ‘fro at the United Center this winter.  Jay writes:

I was looking forward to the ‘Fro, which can take on the shape of a dented popcorn bag fresh out of a microwave.

See?  Jay even whipped out some of his Pulitzer-winning metaphorical prowess to describe his favorite new “toy” on the westside.  And it doesn’t stop there!  Somebody’s been having superhero fantasies about Mr. Wallace.  He writes:

There was Ben, routinely elevating and snatching a rebound like a father saving his baby from a kidnapper.

I figure that if Jay had things his way, that sentence would have read:

There was Ben, routinely elevating and snatching a rebound like a man saving a frightened Jay Mariotti from Chicago.

You see, Jay has realized that the entire city of Chicago dislikes him.  Ben Wallace provides the perfect opportunity for Jay to make a pathetic attempt at bonding with the city.  Ben is a player on a team for which everyone roots.  He brings hope of a championship, which Sports Illustrated has already predicted will come to Chicago.  Let’s face it, it’s hard to say anything negative about the Bulls right now, which is why this pandering comes so easily for Jay.

The Bulls are expected to have a great season, and as all true bandwagoners, Jay expects nothing less.  This isn’t like the Bears, whose success has been unexpected.  Jay hasn’t written any damning columns yet.  Heck, if he keeps writing these positive articles, he might even be able to enter the locker room without fear.

But don’t worry.  He has left the door open to pulling a complete one-eighty and criticizing Mighty Ben and the Bulls.  At the very end of his column he mentions Wallace’s free throw shooting, perfectly setting up one of his classic “as I have said all along” lectures, should the Bulls underperform.

Like every fall in Chicago, some things never change.