When Bruce Weber was a young boy he developed polyps on his larynx, which caused his voice to develop a scratchy and high-pitched sound. He had two unsuccessful surgeries to try and have them removed, but doctors ultimately decided there was nothing they could do.
You can bet that as a boy, Bruce was teased mercilessly about this. But you can understand pre-teens teasing each other. They are short, insecure, and always trying to make themselves look important. That’s why it is of little surprise that Jay, despite the fact that he is a grown man, couldn’t write an article without ridiculing Weber.
Save the Bracketology lecture, coach. Stop telling us, in a tortured voice that more than ever smacks of a cross between AC/DC’s singer and Edith Bunker…
Jay’s pre-teen angst might also explain why he feels uncomfortable in locker rooms.
As far as I’m concerned this Sunday marks the beginning of spring.
Some people like to mark time by a “calendar”, but even if the powers that be tell you spring starts March 21, I’m not buying it.
Why Sunday, you ask? Because the selection of the NCAA tournament field marks the beginning of the finest stretch of sports the year has to offer. And let’s face of it, most of us mark our time with sporting events anyway.
Everyone knows the wonders of March Madness, so much so that sports writers have a difficult time finding new ways to convey its undeniable awesomeness, leading them to pen phrases like “undeniable awesomeness”. Even the most casual fan ... heck, even a non-fan can spend five minutes filling out a bracket, randomly settle on a sleeper that makes it to the Sweet 16 and find themselves sucked in for the rest of the tournament.
March Madness gets the well-deserved credit for ending the six-week sports drought that follows the Super Bowl, a drought that was especially painful this season in Chicago for reasons I need not repeat. Sure, pitchers and catchers show up a few weeks later, but it’s hard to get that excited about spring training except as a sign that opening day is coming.
The NBA season is in its dog days during that stretch, as is the NHL, which will become important if there are ever hockey fans again.
But then we have Selection Sunday. As soon as you find yourself pondering which one of your final four picks is going to get bounced in the first round (one year I lost my final two right off the bat—Syracuse and Kansas—I’m quite possibly the worst bracket man in history) you know things are looking up.
March Madness. Baseball’s opening day. The NFL draft. The Masters. The stretch run of the NBA and NHL. All in a six-week span from mid-March to the end of April. It almost makes up for the fact that the weather in Chicago doesn’t get nice until May.
(From a non-sporting perspective, the stretch between the South Side Irish Parade and St. Patrick’s Day also have a hand in easing the icy grip of winter.)
By the time it’s all over (this year we’ll mark the end with the NFL draft—April 28-29) the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the White Sox and Cubs haven’t had enough time to completely derail their respective seasons yet.
Well ... I think there have been a couple of years when the Cubs were already finished by May 1. But usually they have the common decency to string us along at least through mid-June.
So fill out those brackets this Sunday. Marvel at the architectural majesty that is Mel Kiper Jr.’s hair. Spend a hungover Sunday watching the Masters, knowing that golf is the only sport you can actually watch effectively while napping. Pour over NBA playoff scenarios and analyze who the Bulls match up with best.
Bust out a copy of NHL ‘94 for Sega Genesis and take Jeremy Roenick coast-to-coast for a goal, just to remind yourself that the Blackhawks actually mattered to this city once upon a time and get that Cubs/Sox gear ready for action.
Ah, spring, when a young man’s fancy blossoms into love. Or drives him to spend an inordinate amount of time in sports bars and on couches. Depending on what kind of fancy you’re talking about.
We’re pretty rough on a certain Sun-Times writer on this site from time to time.
Just to make it clear that it doesn’t mean we categorically dislike the entire paper, I’d like to direct you to a Sun-Times editorial about Chicago’s pending big to host the 2016 Olympics.
When Pat and I decided to use the Chicago flag as a theme for the new site design (take a look at Chief Red Dawg’s cape if you don’t know what I mean) I have to admit I did not know the full details of the flag and its symbolism, which the editorial details in making its case for Chicago as an Olympic host.
I remember hearing that the blue stripes were the lake and the river, but not much beyond that.
What we did know was that the flag (and to a lesser extent, the hot dog) were symbols of a city we both consider, without a shred of bias, to be the greatest on the planet.
Since we have now scientifically proven that Chicago is, in fact, the greatest, it seems clear that it is long overdue to host the Olympic games.
I mean, if ATLANTA can host the Olympics when they can’t even sell out a Braves playoff game, Chicago should have no problem.
The first obstacle in Chicago’s inevitable march to Olympic glory, however, is Los Angeles. Somehow this cesspool of a city has already hosted the games twice, making it not only a poor choice but also a boring one.
But I have only been to L.A. briefly, so I wanted to seek out an unbiased source with more information. Who better than our own Patrick Dahl, who lives there?
He had several concerns.
We know a thing or two about traffic in this fine city, but Patrick informs me that the highway system in Los Angeles is such a disaster that athletes probably wouldn’t even make it to the events. Even if they did, performances would likely suffer from the crippling smog filling their lungs.
But Los Angeles has experience you say? All that experience has left them with is a decrepit old building that has held up about as well as Meg Ryan’s face. Oh, and state-of-the-art USC and UCLA dorms, where the athletes will reside and feast on a performance-enhancing diet of ramen and Easy Mac.
Also, as Patrick noted, does a city that can’t even manage to keep an NFL franchise really deserve to host the world’s biggest sporting event? L.A. should stick to events they are good at—the ones involving Ryan Seacrest.
If L.A. somehow gets the bid, Jaythejoke is officially declaring war on the entire city.
I’m not worried though.
Our ace in the hole is Mayor Daley. The man has consolidated so much power during his reign at mayor that he’s more of a benevolent dictator at this point. While not so good for certain things, such as making sure city contracts and jobs are awarded fairly, it’s an ideal situation for an Olympic bid.
Basically, if anyone tries to get in the way, Daley will crush them.
Plus, all the corruption that will accompany the games could give us a new generation of bright, young investigative reporters. Sounds like a win-win to me.
Chicagoans have as much pride in their city as anyone, and if the USOC decides to go with us come April we get the chance to show it to the world.
More importantly, that leaves 9 years to run Jay out of town and straight on to Boise.
It felt oddly appropriate that the Thomas Jones era came to an end Monday as the higher-profile contract troubles of fellow Drew Rosenhaus client Lance Briggs dominated the headlines.
Thomas Jones was always flying under the radar during his tenure with the Bears, steadily giving the Bears a stellar return on a minor investment. While the coaching staff and media was collectively wringing its hands about Rex Grossman’s health, Cedric Benson’s attitude, Rex Grossman’s psyche, Tank Johnson’s firearms and whatever else cropped up, Jones mainly stayed quiet, did his job and gave the Bears an always solid, sometimes spectacular presence at running back.
But Jones, like any athlete, wanted to be the guy. After some halfhearted grumbling about his role last offseason, Jones made it known that he wanted a trade before the coming season and the Bears obliged, parlaying him into the 37th pick in the draft compliments of the New York Jets. The Bears also had to give up their second round pick, so Jones was essentially traded for 26 draft spots.
That might seem like inadequate compensation for the only Bear not named Sweetness to surpass 1,300 yards in a season. In some ways the trade resembles Jones’ career in Chicago: Underrated but solid.
NFL teams hoard draft picks like crazy old women hoard stray cats. To gain any ground, particularly in the first two rounds, is no easy task. Especially considering Thomas Jones is a running back (not a position teams pay heavily for in trades) who is approaching 30, the age many backs begin to decline. Acquiring another top-40 pick means the Bears have a chance to come out of this draft with two high-impact players.
Benson Gets His Chance
To the joy of fantasy football owners everywhere, Cedric Benson is finally the unquestioned top back in Chicago. While he began to show flashes of the talent that made him the fourth pick in the 2005 draft, he is still untested as an every-down back. Although his epic workload at the University of Texas suggests he can certainly handle it.
After an icy start to their relationship, Benson and Jones settled nicely into a platoon in 2006, saying all the right things and even patting one another on the back from time to time. But Jerry Angelo realized as nice as it was to have two top-flight backs, the arrangement was not going to remain harmonious for another season.
The Bears would be wise to spend a mid-round pick on another back - possibly a speedy change of pace type who will compliment Benson and provide depth - but there is no doubt Benson appears headed for the 25 carries a game he has lobbied for. Adrian Petersen provides depth, but the chances of him complaining about carries are about as good as the chances of Lovie Smith getting arrested for running a meth lab out of Halas Hall. Which strikes me as unlikely.
I liked what I saw from Benson last year, at least on the field. He carries himself with an attitude and punishes people at the end of runs. As far as the off-field stuff goes, I’d give him an incomplete until I see how he responds to a full-time job.
Hopefully he can model his approach after the professionalism of his ex-teammate.
Briggs Next?
Jones’ trade came on the heels of Lance Briggs’ reaction to getting the old franchise tag and missing out on the best free agent market in years.
Shockingly, he’s not too thrilled.
I don’t think Briggs claim that he’s done with the Bears is an idle threat. Realistically, they were probably kidding themselves if they thought Drew “Next Question” Rosenhaus would let the Bears get away with that. If I’m Angelo, I make one last-ditch effort to sign Briggs long term. If Lance and Drew aren’t budging, they would be better off trading him early. Once a player goes into a holdout situation, teams sense the desperation and it’s harder to leverage a good deal.
Given what the Bears received for Jones, getting a high-first or early-second round pick for Briggs outright seems plausible. Lance would be missed, especially by Brian Urlacher, who has watched every worthwhile linebacker he has played with price himself out of a Chicago uniform. But there are enough teams with cap room to burn out there that they should at least be able to get something substantial in return, as Briggs would have been the most sought-after player on the market if the Bears had let him get there.
If Angelo can duplicate his 2006 draft performance, I have no problem with handing him three high picks.
Of course, if he wants to open up the wallet for Briggs that would be fine as well.
Or the Bears could just let Mark Cuban buy the team, rain money from the sky like candy kisses from heaven and figure out a way to circumvent the salary cap. Someone call Jay. I hear he and Cuban are tight.
What a relief.
Times have been tough for Cubs fans recently. In the last few years we’ve seen Bartman become the new Buckner, dodged falling concrete at Wrigley and watched Mark Prior and Kerry Wood become the most proficient long tossers in baseball history.
But none of that frustration compared to the White Sox World Series win. We sat silent as they celebrated Juan Uribe’s stunning play for the final out. We saw the massive headlines proclaiming victory the next day. We pretended we didn’t notice our White Sox friends strutting around in their “2005 World Series Champs” gear and averted our eyes from the banner every time we drove past the Cell.
Then the Cardinals brought home the trophy the next season for good measure.
For those keeping score, that’s a century without a championship coupled with back-to-back wins by the two biggest Cubbie rivals. And the Red Sox, our former AL brothers in futility, exorcised their demons in 2004. Cubs fans are flying solo as the pathetic poster children for downtrodden sports fans.
Fortunately, it’s all over now. Jay Mariotti seems to think wins don’t matter, as long as money is flowing like Champagne at a victory celebration:
In a hype war that has become almost as meaningful as the won-lost totals, the Cubs remain the attention-grabbing behemoth in this blood-warring baseball town. After a brief blip from the White Sox, who introduced Chicago to the foreign concept of a World Series trophy, the Cubs are the hot team again with a Sports Illustrated cover, major TV profiles, Lou-phoria and—this, I could do without—the sight of broadcasters Len Kasper and Bob Brenly jamming with a rock band.
Let me get this straight—media hype is as important as winning and a championship is just a blip on the radar?
Cub fans need not worry about their lack of a title as long as Lou Piniella is making magazine covers?
If Jay Mariotti was on trial for not knowing the first thing about being a fan, this column would be exhibit A. Winning games and winning titles are everything.
Do you really think any rational Cubs fan is going to counter with “at least we’re winning the hype war” after some Sox fan plays his World Series trump card?
Sure, the Cubs are getting the attention right now. Offseason hype always goes to the team that changes the most, and Piniella and Alfonso Soriano are two high-profile new faces. The White Sox made more under-the-radar changes to restock their farm system and won’t be able to fully evaluate the moves for a few years.
Even the White Sox themselves admitted it would probably take a few championships before they are competing on an even level with the Cubs in terms of attention and attendance. But they still lead in the most important category - World Series Wins while their fans were actually alive.
The last two days of columns say to me that Jay has let his animosity towards Ozzie Guillen and Jerry Reinsdorf pollute his thinking to journalistically unacceptable levels. Which would be a serious concern if he were a journalist.