After I plowed through Jay’s borderline unreadable rambling about Jordan and Kim Jong-Il…

Seriously, what was that?

That’s not a rhetorical question.  I’m honestly curious what he was trying to accomplish.  Foreign policy analysis?  Humor?  Whatever it was, it failed.  Miserably.

Anyway, as I got deeper into the column I was overcome by deja vu.

Hadn’t we heard this before? And hadn’t I written about it.

That’s right, today’s Mariotti column was essentially a warmed-over version of what he wrote when the Jordan joined the Charlotte Bobcats in June.  With just a little Kim Jong-Il on the side.

As nice as it would be to have Jordan around, the Bulls seem to be heading in the right direction without him.  Since he doesn’t appear to be coming anytime soon, sitting around pining for him seems a bit counterproductive.

Also, I’m not convinced Jordan will ever be great as an executive the way he was as a player.  In fact, here’s what I wrote after Jay’s last “We Miss You Michael” love letter in the June 27 post “Desperate Column From A Desperate Man”

“Great players rarely make the transition to great coaches or front office personnel. While exceptions, like the NBA logo Jerry West, certainly exist, they are far from the norm. Role players like Phil Jackson, or the Scott Skiles-John Paxson combo running the Bulls, for whatever reason, seem to make the transition better. Just ask Knick fans about Isaiah Thomas.”

Any fan in Chicago, of course, would welcome Jordan back in an artery-clogged heartbeat.  But for now most fans are interested in the current squad.  For someone who always admonishes Bears fans for living in 1985, he certainly seems unable to kick his MJ fetish.

Part of the column, obviously, was another chance to skewer Jerry Reinsdorf for allegedly being the reason Jordan isn’t back with the Bulls.  And I’m sure he has something to do with it.  But please, next time you want to needle your nemisis, Jay, at least try to bring a new topic to the table.

The Bears and the Bulls won their most recent games by a combined 73 points.

Are we in the right city?  This place feels like some dreamlike alternate universe.  Kind of like Dorothy, except if the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion were three overweight guys eating sausages.

Speaking of...I’m sure you have all seen the SNL skit where Jordan made his appearance with Da Superfans.  Jordan goes into a discussion of his charitable endeavors while Farley and company’s thoughts drift off to “Da Bears...Da Bulls...Bears...Sausage...Ditka...Bears.”

I was riding the el this morning, and my thought patterns are growing eerily similar. Is that a sign of a problem?

As some of you may have read, I argued before the Miami game that the Bulls would be a much better offensive team than people realize.  I didn’t expect them to come together that quickly.

Jay has yet to weigh in on the Bulls.  I imagine something is coming tomorrow or Friday.  It will be interesting to see what he has to say, since we all know he has read Jaythejoke’s take.  He may be referencing us as we speak.  Hi Jay!

The Bulls could still lay an egg in Orlando tonight, but beating the defending champs on opening night by 42 (almost triple the previous record of 15) has to count for SOMETHING, doesn’t it?  It’s not like the Heat lost any key players, either.

If the Bulls continue their hot start, Jay could set a new standard for number of columns urging Chicago fans to restrain themselves written in a three-month period.  I can picture him standing on a street corner like Kevin Bacon in Animal House screaming “REMAIN CALM ... ALL IS WELL!” as crazed Chicagoans revel in the streets.

Just kidding.  Jay doesn’t go outside on account of his general disdain for humanity.

I have to be honest, I could only skim Jay’s column today.  He writes that the Bears shouldn’t be considered sure-ins for the Super Bowl yet.  Yes, this is at least the third time he has written this since the season started, and it’s hard enough reading his crap each morning as it is.

His resentment of the team’s success is still painfully obvious and he still offers absolutely no insight or knowledge that the most casual of fans wouldn’t have.  What he does do, however, is make it seem as if he has had faith in this team all season:

I’m thrilled the Bears have an opportunity to hush the doubters.

Yes, friends, the Mariotti Flip has officially occurred.  Whereas two weeks ago, Jay was one of the loudest doubters out there, he is now looking to “hush” the group to which he once belonged.  I’m going to pinpoint this article as his turning point in the season.  He has officially turned on his original conviction that the Bears aren’t for real and begun to lay the groundwork for an “I told you so” column on Super Bowl Monday in Miami.  Expect to see this sentiment grow as the Bears continue to succeed.

Ironically, the only interesting thing in the entire article comes when Jay admits what a frontrunner he truly is:

If they win it all, I’ll be the first to crown their ass.

Yes, friends, that’s an actual quote.  Not only does he cop to being a bandwagon fan, he does it in the sort of homoerotic style that only a Jay Mariotti can truly possess.

The Bulls have come a long way since national TV broadcasts avoided them like the plague, as they will kick off the NBA season against the defending-champion Miami Heat Halloween night on TNT.

I imagine Jay will write about this tomorrow (unless he decides to wait and see how the game plays out).  Either way, his take on the Bulls this year will probably be this:

“The Bulls have improved but don’t have the star player to make them a true championship contender yet.”

Then Jay will throw out a few half-baked suggestions that the Bulls get Kevin Garnett or Jermaine O’Neal or some other star big man rumored to be on the trading block.  Then he will scream about it during Around the Horn.

Jay won’t be alone in his opinion.  Most writers agree the Bulls will be a tough out in the playoffs but lack the low post scoring threat to make them true contenders.

In fact, try to find an NBA preview that doesn’t mention the Bulls inside scoring deficiency.  I dare you.

For some reason, there is this widespread perception around the league that the Bulls will be an offensive disaster. Yet they scored nearly 99 points a game last year without one competent big man on the roster.

They now have two.

Newly acquired veterans Ben Wallace and P.J. Brown aren’t going to frighten anyone offensively.  But their savvy when it comes to the little things like setting picks, finding the open man and grabbing offensive rebounds will help.  More than you realize.

Anyone who watched the Bulls regularly last season knows how many possessions were lost to things like Tyson Chandler trying to catch the ball with his face or Michael Sweetney being unable to exert himself for more than 30 seconds.

That won’t happen this year.

Combine that with the fact that the team’s four leading scorers — Kirk Hinrich, Ben Gordon, Luol Deng and Andres Nocioni — are relatively young and still improving, and there’s no reason the Bulls offense should not improve considerably.

But can the really win it all?

The popular answer is they can’t, which is why it’s the answer Jay will likely go with.

Personally, I don’t see a signle team in the NBA that makes me think “There is absolutely no way the Bulls could take them.” Especially not in the East, where the Heat aren’t getting younger and no team improved more than the Bulls.

Ok, they don’t have a star low-post scoring threat.  But the Mavericks almost won it all (actually probably should have) with Dirk Nowitzki, who gets inside more than he used to but is still more comfortable on the perimeter.  Size will always matter than the NBA, but the game is changing and the classic low-post, back-to-the-basket big man is a dying breed.

Let’s forget about what they don’t have for a second.  What do they have. Rebounding? Check.  Great defense? Check.  Clutch scorers? Check.  Depth? Check. Chemistry? Check. Coaching? Check.

You get the idea.  Everyone seems to have ignored the fact that once you get past the one glaring weakness, this is one of the most complete teams in the league.  That doesn’t guarantee anything, but it gives them more of a shot than people are acknowledging.

I won’t be surprised if this team starts off slow.  They have the last two seasons and they are adjusting to the new faces.  But they will be playing as well as anyone come springtime.

So...a message to anyone who has ignored the Bulls since the Jordan Era:  THIS IS THE SEASON TO GET BACK ON THE BANDWAGON.

Just don’t be surprised if Jay hedges his bets before he decides to jump on it.

As the tide turns, so does Jay’s support for the Bears.  One week they look shaky and he’s out on a limb.  Two weeks later they dominate and he’s their front-running supporter, extolling the virtues of Urlacher (possibly because he is frightened after Urlacher recently said Mariotti was the one non-football player he’d like to “hit").  We’re all used to that.  When a Chicago sports team is succeeding, Jay is their number one fan.  When they aren’t, Jay has a convoluted idea about what needs to change.

What changed today was that in a column in which Jay rambled on and on about his love of Urlacher, he actually admitted that he regrets bashing the linebacker for his life off the field.

These days, Urlacher is caught up in legal dramas, but while his image took a hit in this column and elsewhere last year, his performances are center stage again.

Okay, so it’s not exactly an admission of any wrongdoing, but it is self-aware, something that I don’t believe has been seen to date in one of Mariotti’s columns.  This is the first time since we started this site that Jay has even hinted that he might, in fact, regret something that he wrote.

We all know what this means.  Jay is too egomaniacal not to read this blog, and now we’re really starting to get to him.