Jay has been on "vacation" for over a month, if by "vacation" you mean showing up at work every day to tape a segment for Around The Horn. He's also been showing up on more and more ESPN shows lately, the latest being a guest spot on PTI last week. Could this be the future of Jay Mariotti? Could he be leaving behind the Sun-Times to start a career as one of the talking heads on ESPN? Let's examine some key points: 1. This is similar to what Woody Paige did. Paige slowly stopped writing columns for the Denver Post and now appears as an ESPN commentator on Cold Pizza and PTI, fills in as a guest on other shows, and writes books and for national publications. Paige and Mariotti have a rivalry that goes all the way back to their days working at The Denver Post together, and it wouldn't surprise me if Jay is out to prove that he can achieve things bigger and "better" than Paige when not tethered to a daily newsprint column. 2. Anyone who has ever quit a job knows that you use up all your vacation before you give notice. It's kind of a spite-driven f-you to your bosses and the company that blocked all good websites (read: sports betting and porn) at work. 3. Will anyone in Chicago ever take Jay seriously again? I know he says that he is just taking a vacation, but I think this entire episode has only made it clear how much the fine city of Chicago despises Jay Mariotti. 4. My "inside" sources have suggested that the Jay's bosses are combing his contract with a fine-toothed comb, looking for possible violations worthy of a firing. For example, Jay has said very negative things about the Sun-Times and that might violate certain clauses in his agreement. Everything has to be very straightforward, though, because the Sun-Times has already fired Jay once but his "union" forced the Sun-Times to keep him on their staff. It's one thing to say a controversial columnist sells papers, but it is quite another when a man is so universally hated that it makes your entire paper look bad. 5. ESPN is full of half-wit sports journalists (see: Jeff Brantley) and let's face it, Jay would fit right in.

So I had a dream involving Rex Grossman and Kirk Hinrich last night. Before you get any ideas, I should clarify that this dream was more of the nightmare variety. Allow me to explain. Through some sort of wormhole, flux capacitor or other rift in the space-time continuum, I was able to simultaneously view the opening games of both the Bears and Bulls. I was sitting in a nondescript room full of strangers, like an airport terminal or something. In the span of a few seconds, Rex and Kirk both went down with what appeared to be season-ending injuries. I began to scream in horror and spew expletives as everyone stared at me like I was Ozzie Guillen at a press conference. Apparently no one else in there was a Chicago fan. Before anyone gets too worried this might be a bad omen, I should point out that at age six I dreamed a shark ate me during a sailing trip with the Muppets, and that hasn't happened yet. Still, for the few seconds after I woke up I was convinced football and basketball season were already ruined. The odd thing is, I can't remember a recent summer where I've been this optimistic about the Bears and Bulls respective chances. The dream probably says something about my inner-pessimist as a sports fan. Deep down I tend to expect the worst, and when the worst happens I tend to remember it the best. For example, I was four-years-old in 1985 when the Bears won the Super Bowl. My only vivid memory of watching them that season is screaming at the TV in my kitchen as I watched Dan Marino pick them apart. I don't even remember watching the Super Bowl live, although the VHS tape we made has quite a few miles on it. I'm sure you all find this bit of pop psychology and the trip down memory lane fascinating. The point I'm trying to get to is, for the first time in a while, we can reasonably expect to see both the Bears and Bulls in the playoffs with a solid shot at advancing. And part of me, obviously, is concerned. The Bears have a weak division and a reasonably weak schedule. Even if "Rex the Wonder Bear" (by far my least favorite Mariotti pet name) goes down, Brian Griese has shown himself to be at least fairly competent over the years. Still, I can't help but think about how far and how fast the Bears came back to Earth following their last playoff appearance. In football you're always just a few key injuries from heading into a tailspin. Most of the players on this Bulls team have never entered a season with these kind of expectations. Even if most people thought they would sneak into the playoffs again last year, many of us had a hunch they might struggle a little following the whole Eddy Curry debacle. Now? Anything less short of making the Eastern Conference finals is a failure. Consider the bar raised. Don't get me wrong, I'll take high expectations any day over a team with no chance at doing anything. But just as there's nothing more exciting than a team coming out of nowhere to contend, there's nothing more crushing than watching a sure thing come apart. High expectations are tough to meet. Just ask the White Sox.

So apparently I blinked this weekend and all the Cubs pitching staff went on the DL. Carlos Marmol and Sean Marshall both left early with injuries and Mark Prior was bounced as he battled a severe case of crappiness of the pitches. All this led to a sweep at the hands of the mighty Nationals and a banner weekend. Have no fear, familiar faces Michael Weurtz and David Aardsma have arrived to hold down the fort. Yikes. I would say "who the Hell are these guys" but unfortunately I am all-to familiar with their glorious mediocrity. Seeing the names "Weurtz ," Aardsma" and "Marmol" flash across the ticker did make my mind start to wander a little, though. I do quite a bit of that these days until the sobering reality of the Cubs brings me back down to Earth. Anyway, I was thinking about the significance of a guy's name relative to his prospects for success in the Major Leagues. Just hear me out... I actually had a similar discussion regarding this phenomenon with my friend Holden with regard to NFL quarterbacks. Our theory was more complex than what I'm going to present here, but a key predictor of future quarterbacking success seemed to be a quality name. Something like "Meat Punchkick." Basically if your name is sufficiently lame, it significantly reduces your chances of being a successful big league player. For example "Aardsma" sounds like something that requires a trip to the dermatologist. "Marmol" sounds like some kind of strange rodent. "Weurtz" sounds like something one might eat at Oktoberfest. Which really isn't so bad. I'm giving Weurtz a fighting chance to make it one of these days. Think about the most dominant pitchers in the league. Curt Schilling. Johan Santana. Roger Clemens. Mariano Rivera. Quality names all. When my friend Andy and I were pondering taking a late-flier on Francisco Liriano in our East Coast fantasy baseball league, the guy just sounded like someone who was going to make it. I think the name factor played into everyone being so sure about Kerry Wood and Mark Prior I was trying to think of counterexamples, guys with suspect names who have made it big. Mark Buehrle came to mind, but even though his name looks suspect, it is synonymous with rugged manliness, so that has to count for something. I'm sure there are some weak names that have slipped through the cracks, but here's my advice: If you're thinking of drafting an unproven player in any sport for a fantasy team, or thinking about just getting excited about him playing for your team, and his name sounds more like he should be working at an accounting firm or a Blockbuster, hold back. It's no guarantee, but I'm just saying if Babe Ruth was instead named "Clarence McWeathersby," he probably doesn't go on to reinvent the professional athlete as we know it. I think this might be the most important method of evaluation to hit baseball since sabermetrics. Someone get Bill James on the phone.

It's one thing when two chumps like Matt and I write a blog calling out Mariotti on what a fool he is. It's quite another when an MLB-sanctioned blog written by Scott Reifert, the vice president of communications for the White Sox calls him out. From Scott's entry on Wednesday:

Our favorite columnist took to the airwaves on WSCR earlier this week to explain that he is, indeed, on vacation. To clarify, the columnist has never sent me an email. His preferred method of communication is voicemail, and I have received some strong ones over the years (imagine that). Many probably wouldn't get past the MLBAM censor to be posted here, but there have been a couple recently that we have debated making public, solely to show everyone just who and what we deal with when it is not vacation season. We might have that debate once again ... During his interview, the columnist also criticized the Chicago Tribune's media writer for not calling him or his editor before writing articles about the issue. I can't speak for the general public, but I sense some irony here. Is he asking the Tribune writer to talk personally to his sources (in a sense to "show up")? Is that ironic or is it just me?

I beg of you, Mr. Reifert, please release those tapes! Mariotti could become the Pat O'Brien of Chicago sports media. The other phenomenon to which I'd like to direct your attention is that Ozzie Guillen and Jay Mariotti have now become a euphemism in sports journalism. Shea Hillenbrand was supposedly a little loose-lipped when he left the Red Sox. Instead of using the word "fag", sports writers have been writing things like what is below:

Hillenbrand denied the quote, and also pleaded innocent to using the Ozzie Guillen-Jay Mariotti homosexual slur toward Boston general manager Theo Epstein in a...

Congrats, Jay and Ozzie. Your names are now synonymous with "fag".

Phil Rogers wrote a real humdinger of a column this week. Long story short, he made an argument suggesting both a vote of confidence and an extension for Dusty Baker. While I don't despise Dusty at the level many Cub fans have grown to, coming to his support just after their epic collapse on ESPN this weekend seems beyond crazy. It's possible that Phil is just using the time-honored columnist tactic of taking the prevailing thought of the day and playing some devil's advocate. Or maybe he's just having some fun with our boy. Ever since the Tribune called out Jay on avoiding the Sox locker room, things have been a bit snippier than usual between the city's two sports sections. As you may recall, Jay ranted about homerism among Chicago sports media, the Tribune company in particular, on his "Chicago Tonight" appearance. It must be killing him that he has to wait a month or more to skewer the Trib for supporting Dusty. He'll probably go on some tangent on "Around the Horn" when he's supposed to be waxing philosophical about Tiger Woods' psyche for the 358th time. Personally, I think like him or not, Dusty has passed that point of no return where there is just too much baggage and ill-will among a fan base for a manager to have any hope of turning things around. When a contract extension for a manager might lead to riots, the work environment is just too hostile to hope for success. I doubt he gets fired, because what's the point of paying two managers when Dusty can keep the Cubs just as far out of first at a lower price? When he is replaced though, I have no doubt the Tribune will unearth someone even worse. Lou Pinella would be a disaster. The only good thing I've heard come out of Bob Brenly's mouth since he's been here is calling Henry Blanco "Hank White." Something tells me it won't be anyone familiar though. I'm bracing for the baseball equivalent of Bush (the old one) tabbing Dan Quayle as his Vice President. I'm talking way out of left field. Like a beer vendor or something. Whoever the lucky man/woman/child (Little Big League anyone?) is, I'm putting the over/under on Jay calling for their firing at Bastille Day (that's July 14 for those of you not familiar with French national holidays) 2007. That is, assuming he doesn't take another extended summer "vacation."