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Poll
Would Fucktard be a Better Baseball Commissioner than Bud Selig?
Goddamn you Tyrone for making me choose between two fucktard.s! 3
Yes. Fucktard lives, breaths and pisses baseball. This is definitely His calling. 0
No. This is not badminton. 4
I don’t care. Baseball is so screwed up right now that it deserves to have Fucktard as its commissioner. 3
Total Votes: 10
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F***tard Openly Campaigns to be the Next MLB Commissioner
Posted: 29 March 2007 05:58 AM   [ Ignore ]  
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Maybe Selig will get back to us in 2009, the year he intends to retire. - F***tard

If I were the commisioner, and the steroids scandals of the ‘90s happened under my nose, I’d be vowing every day until my funeral to uncover everything and tell all. - F***tard

Yup, you read the above correctly.

Today is just one of those “toss-off” columns* that really relate to nothing new or earth shattering for the Chicago sports scene. Its been awhile since F***tard has bashed baseball collectively as a sport and what better way than to blame every woe on its commissioner Bud Selig? And of course none of the “supporting” quotes were obtained by F***tard. There is a bunch of references such as Buster Olney.

In this column*, F***tard plays superhero with a superior knowledge of biochemistry. Every sport on the planet is equally vulnerable to HGH abuse, however F***tard brazenly hammers Selig for not being able to detect the hormone’s abuse among baseball players and suggests that He F***tard of Nobel Prize in Science Distinction would find a way to test and root out the cheaters.

And just who is F***tard’s supporting alibi? Gary Sheffield. Yeah there is a good source (read from another magazine of course) that lends tremendous credibility. Wasn’t Sheff embroiled in his own steroid controversy?

Basically, I think F***tard watched a couple of Star Trek re-runs last night in the comfy confines of the bunker and was aroused by William Shatner’s all knowing, brave and powerful Captain Kirk. Now F***tard wants to emulate His hero as MLB’s next commissioner.

Perhaps this is why F***tard may be ON THE TAKE by “super” (I’m sticking to that hero theme here) asshole agents like MF Rosenhaus and Scot Boras. Part of the deal on His yellow journalism* attacks on the establishment “to show the players the money” is that He gets to play commissioner for baseball.

Hey F***tard perhaps You think that it is funny bashing our sports teams and printing this outrageous stupid crap. But keep in mind, Chicago is not laughing with you. We are laughing AT you. Time to get out of town douchebag.

Fire the F***tard.

An observation - Note that this week is Spring Break. F***tard allegedly has two small kids. Just like the holiday season, F***tard is writing columns* every single day.  Most people I know take the kids to Disney World or something. The Fuctkard household ain’t exactly Camelot now is it? Glad to see that F***tard is making the most of His second chance after the angioplasty in January. Hey F***tard, get off your fat ass and take those kids of yours to the planetarium or something. A little fresh air might do some good.

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Posted: 29 March 2007 07:49 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]  
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Just because the sport is flush with money, as it should be when Selig operates as a stone-cold businessman who loses sight of charm and romance, doesn’t mean the same toxic cloud isn’t lurking over every ballpark. - F***tard

Huh, was it not just yesterday that F***tard was bought off by MF Rosenhaus to decry that money WAS everything?  Guess Bud forgot to send F***tard his monthly stipend.

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:04 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]  
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You realize he cant even come up with a topic to write about without checking out out here.  He stole my plan.  I was the one trying to be the next commisioner.  That backstabbing weasel.  IlliniEd For Commisioner in 2009!!!

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:05 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]  
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… then why doesn’t he demand approval from the Players Association to administer and store current blood samples that can be reviewed retroactively once a definitive HGH test is developed? - F***tard

Dear Mr. Mariotti:

Call lawyer. Ask about pesky 5th Amendment. Have lawyer use small words. Maybe play Schoolhouse Rocks video until comprehension sets in.

Sincerely,

Bill McCormick

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:05 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]  
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I think I should change my vote. I mean it is apparently obvious the Tinky is omnipotent. With all of his proposed GM moves for the Chicago sports teams there should be no doubt that he could easily run the NBA, MLB, NFL, NCAA, PGA, and possibly the NHL all at the same time.

It appears only NASCAR and horse racing may be safe from his ultimate rule. NASCAR, because Tinky can’t even change his own oil, and horse racing because of his ultimate respect for animals that never get doped.

shock

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:05 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]  
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IlliniEd - 29 March 2007 08:04 AM

You realize he cant even come up with a topic to write about without checking out out here.  He stole my plan.  I was the one trying to be the next commisioner.  That backstabbing weasel.  IlliniEd For Commisioner in 2009!!!

Hurts IlliniEd, doesn’t it?

That makes it NOW official. You are NOW a full-fledged veteran of JTJ!

Congratulations.

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:06 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]  
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I feel imasculated.  Someone hold me?

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:07 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]  
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IlliniEd - 29 March 2007 08:06 AM

I feel imasculated.  Someone hold me?

Veterans don’t hug. It’s in our contract.

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:08 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]  
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IlliniEd - 29 March 2007 08:06 AM

I feel imasculated.  Someone hold me?

Call Paco and rent a friend. LOL

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:08 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]  
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Well, when I get my contract, cake and T-shirt that were promised to me, I will agree.  Till then....hold me
smile

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:12 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]  
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IlliniEd - 29 March 2007 08:08 AM

Well, when I get my contract, cake and T-shirt that were promised to me, I will agree.  Till then....hold me
smile

Ed, you may be holding yourself for a while there my friend. ohh

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:13 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]  
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No, thats later....I mean....never mind.

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:15 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 12 ]  
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IlliniEd - 29 March 2007 08:08 AM

Well, when I get my contract, cake and T-shirt that were promised to me, I will agree.  Till then....hold me
smile

F***tard always has room to share in the Northbrook bunker.

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:19 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 13 ]  
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Once again, crossing the line there Tyrone.  Me, You, Bike Racks after school.

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:26 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 14 ]  
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Incredibly, steroids remain the predominant story line, 10 years and running now if you consider what was happening in bathroom stalls and workout rooms this time last decade. - F***tard

Well unfortunately Bud Selig is not Moses and cannot execute any player he deems guilty for steroid use simply because of suspicion. If F***tard were really objective about this issue, perhaps a little blame would be directed towards Donald Fehr and the MLBPA for dragging their feet through the mud concerning steroid use among it membership.

However, I have no doubt whatsoever that F***tard is truly an expert in what happens in men’s bathroom stalls. Especially at those Interstate roadstop “rest” areas.

Fire the F***tard.

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Posted: 29 March 2007 08:32 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 15 ]  
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When life gives you AIDS, make lemonAIDS!

Jay wants to be baseball commissioner - doesn’t Boise have a park district or little league that could use some leadership?  Go get ‘em, cowboy!

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