I know we've had relative harmony between North and South Siders on this site thus far. But Joey "The Biter" Cora's attempt to take Carlos Zambrano out with a fungo bat at the All Star Game is a new low. Why do you have to kick a team while it's down, White Sox? It's a good thing Z looks like he'll be ok, or this underhanded attack would surely not go unpunished! Actually, to be quite honest I found this story hilarious. The only thing funnier would have been if he actually shattered Zambrano's elbow. I feel like I'm Chevy Chase in the sports fan's equivalent of a National Lampoon's Vacation movie. Well...maybe Dusty is Chevy and I'm Rusty. In other news, I actually caught some of Jay on Around The Horn while passing by a TV this afternoon. Until then I had only heard through the grapevine that he was still doing the show. Maybe we should have the blog sponsor a pool and whoever has the day Mariotti's column returns wins. We can use all of the sweet corporate backing we apparently have to give out prize money. Takers?

It looks like sensitivity training worked. This is from The Seattle Times:

There was a bizarre moment before the game when the image of Jay Mariotti, the Chicago columnist who drew the ire of Ozzie Guillen a few weeks ago, appeared on the big-screen television in the AL clubhouse. Mariotti was opining about the All-Star Game on one of the cable networks. When Guillen, who was ordered to go to sensitivity training for insulting Mariotti with inappropriate language, saw Mariotti on the TV, he held his finger to his mouth and said, "Shhhhhhh." Then he added, sarcastically, "Now we're going to learn something about baseball."

Zing! This brings me to the current Jay watch. I fully expect Jay to be back in the Sun-Times any day now. That said, I have enjoyed the fact that since Jay claimed he'd be in Chicago for as long as he wanted, his column hasn't appeared in the paper once. In a Newsday article, Ozzie had the following quote:

"As long as I win and keep my head up, and as long as people understand who I am, that's all I care about. Obviously, you say stuff you're not supposed to say. I moved on. I regret what I did. Nothing is going to change my life because of that."

In all honesty, one has to admit that Ozzie's life has changed at least a little bit. Since he called Jay a fag he's gone to sensitivity training and won an All-Star game. Jay has been laughed into a three week vacation. I mean, this blog started out a couple months ago as a way for me to scratch an annoying mosquito bite. We now average over 800 unique visitors a day. I think it's safe to say that Jay has gotten the worse end of the entire fag-gate scandal.

Apparently we've been wrong all along. Jay Mariotti is the only journalist in Chicago, print or otherwise, doing his job. I wish I were exaggerating, but just listen to how highly inflated Jay's opinion of himself is. Jay sees his role as "harsh critic" as a necessary service to the fans of Chicago in a sports media landscape he characterizes as being full of homers. It's true journalists aren't supposed to be fans, but that doesn't mean being the most outspoken critic every chance you get makes you the best journalist. For example, Jay cites his campaign to get Dusty Baker fired as an example of his objectivity and thus superiority to, say, the Tribune. So you called for a manager to be fired? Big deal. Calling for a coach or GM to be fired, a player to be benched or an owner to sell the team is an easy column to write and it always gets a reaction. That's why Jay has written enough of them over the years to wallpaper the same White Sox clubhouse he never visits. Sometimes these columns are warranted, but Jay is so quick with the trigger it just becomes white noise after a while. Jay...for when you come back...I heard Mark Cuban has some interest in buying the Blackhawks. Without further ado...here is part two of the interview from Chicago Tonight.

Today we're going to share a little audio with you. This is audio from Jay on Chicago Tonight a few weeks ago. Our favorite moments are below. Enjoy: Our personal highlights: 0:35 - Three sentences into his interview, Jay throws out a "fans are fans", once again elevating himself above the common man, into his supposed place as god-like sports reporter. 0:52 - Jay again pretends that he doesn't care that he was called a fag, but only that Ozzie used a "word like that." 1:28 - The sound of Jay's voice describing Ozzie simulating sex with him may ruin your love life. Notice how the other reporters said, "Ozzie is behind you" and conveniently left out the "naked and pretending to penetrate your anus"? Can't you imagine a group of sportswriters standing and laughing at Jay? 2:22 - Jay shares a short laundry list of his haters. 2:36 - Jay labels himself a Pariah, but refuses to admit that there might be legitimate reasons why. 3:02 - Jay ignores Eric Zorn's famous blog entry, and says that when the Sox were winning last year his columns were nothing but glowing. 3:15 - Jay pretends like having Crazy Carl Everett yelling at him is one of the reasons he doesn't go in the Sox dugout. 4:21 - Even Jay's bosses don't have his back. That's probably because they tried to fire him ten years ago, but he got his union to get his job back. 4:43 - Jay talks about "old man" Hawk Harrelson kicking his ass in the Sox press box. 5:00 - Jay says the sentence: "Nobody writes it better than I do!"

Jay is still underground and the Cubs just aren't worth talking about these days, so I'm going to shift my attention to the most exciting thing that happened this past week: The new and improved Chicago Bulls. There's been a smattering of talk on the message boards here about the Wallace signing. Before I delve into my take on the matter, I'll sum up the route I suspect Jay would have gone with it. Signings as completely unexpected and exciting as Ben Wallace are pretty rare in this town. When something so undeniably positive happens, Jay is naturally more than happy to leap on the bandwagon, but he always hedges his bets so he can say "I told you so" either way. In this case, he likely would have praised the signing but said the Bulls won't be true championship contenders until they trade for Kevin Garnett, ignoring the fact that the Wolves aren't trading him right now. Then he would have waxed poetic about afros for a while before closing with a non-sequitur about the hiring of Jim Paxson and a pathetic attempt to coin a new nickname for Wallace. See? It's like you read his whole column, isn't it? As one of the few people who actually followed the Bulls in the dark years closely enough that I remember guys like Kornel David and Rusty LaRue, I am obviously thrilled to add a guy like Wallace, especially from the Bulls biggest rival. Most of the obvious benefits of having him on the roster have been covered (leadership, experience, etc.) so I won't belabor them here. Instead, I'd like to delve into some of the reasons I'm excited that are flying under the radar at the moment. 1) Fear the Fro!! I'll admit it. I'm a sucker for cheesy stadium gimmicks, and I can't wait to see Bulls fans decked out in the fake Ben Wallace afros. Name five things funnier than a slightly overweight upper-middle class white kid in an afro wig. It's tough to do. The best list posted to the message board gets...the grudging admiration of the other people who read the message board. 2) Tyrus Thomas Before the Bulls added Wallace and P.J. Brown to the front line, there was a fair amount of pressure on Tyrus Thomas to contribute this year. Now he can relax behind the veterans and develop at his own pace. Don't get me wrong, I still expect big things from him, but these "upside" picks seem to do better when there is less pressure riding on them and more veterans carrying the load. 3) He Can Catch Anyone who watches the Bulls with any regularity that Tyson Chandler's general clumsiness cost the Bulls an average of 10-15 points every game. Wallace may not have much shooting touch, but his court sense and hands are far better than Chandler's. I actually like Tyson better than most of my friends do, but that doesn't change the fact that he often displays the coordination of a spastic 13-year-old girl. 4) Nazr Mohammed Detroit fans have to be thrilled with a guy who spent the last year and a half in a dogfight for playing time with the one and only Rasho Nesterovic. Nope...they won't miss Wallace in the least. At least he has a nice guaranteed contract now to motivate him... That's enough for now. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have the unbridled optimism of offseasons to distract me from the sobering reality of watching my teams actually play. Watch, at this time next year the Bulls will be on an eight-game losing streak and I'll be all giddy about the Cubs signing Carlos Lee. That is until we found out Mark Prior has mono and will again miss the start of the season. But for now, I'll be on eBay looking for deals from Piston fans looking to recoup some of the 20 bucks they spent on their afro.