7:16 PM
End of the first quarter.

Colts 6
Bears 14

Hey Morrisey, settle down already! There is still 3 more quarters of football to play.

7:12 PM
So now Tank Johnson is injurying his own teammates? It really is good to see Cedric Benson walk off the field under his own power. That is a such a nice way for him to end his season.

7:09 PM
Rex Grossman starting the offense on their own 4 yard line.

No problem, right Bears fans?

7:05 PM
Colonel Sanders lowers the boom! Bears turnover, Colts ball!

6:57 PM
I think I am beginning to understand Tony Dungy’s strategy. By allowing Bad Rex to throw for a touchdown, this kid’s confidence will overgrow beyond Lovie Smith’s control with disastrous results for the Bears offense later in the game. Its so brilliant.

6:51 PM
Marvelous Hagler!  Uh, wait a minute… Never mind Bears ball. Did Paco’s lube cream end up on the football?

6:47 PM
Am I psychic or what?!

Touchdown Colts!

No big deal about the extra point. They are stupid, meaningless and never effect the game’s outcome.

6:44 PM
Peyton’s in the groove now! We are just moments away from a Colts touchdown. I just know it.

6:35 PM

QUICK!! Really Jay!! Speak to us!! You OK?? Is your heart still beating? - TomD

In my expert opinion, Peyton Manning could not have had a better first series. So what if he was intercepted? The important fact is that he looks so damn good in those white pants. And besides everybody knows that a Manning always comes up huge in the big games.

6:30 PM
Hester the Jester!

Its really pathetic that Hester will have to do that all game just to cover up for Rex’s stupidity.

Just a minor setback. Relax folks!

6:25 PM
Bears win the toss. Colts win the Super Bowl.

Sounds fair to me.

Hey RJ...Any site of Ashton and Demi yet? - Bernie Lincicome

Not yet, but I think I saw K-Fed on the field as one of those Cabana boy gymnasts.

Hey Really Jay. It’s raining down there. Still think dome sheltered Manning is going to win? I think I saw fear in his eyes when Urlacher came on the field. - TomD

It was Urlacher who threw up on the field after the coin toss, not Manning.

6:22 PM
I gotta admit that I absolutely adore the coin toss. Undoubtedly the most exciting football moment.

6:20 PM
Billy Joel is so much more appealing to me after dumping that whore Christie Brinkley.

6:17 PM
Telander - Hey Mariotti, remember those guys with the guns are the military guard, not gang bangers!

Me - Shut up Rick!

6:13 PM
I swear you could hear a pin drop here when the Bears were introduced. Watching the Hex run out onto the field was kind of cute. Kind of like watching a puppy struggle to walk after getting hit by a bus.

6:08 PM
More comments from my fans!

And have the Feds released Paco the Cabana Boy yet? Or will you have to post bail for him? - TomD

Who cares about Paco? Greg is here!

Don’t expect to hear from RJ until after the male gymnasts exit the field. - Bernie Lincicome

Damn right!

Hey, they are introducing the Indianapolis Colts! This place is going crazy for Peyton!

5:57 PM
Muscular men were prancing on the field? God I love Miami! Some snapshots of Dolphin Stadium.

And here are two men equally responsible for destroying the moral fabric of Chicagoan society. One undoubtedly made sure Tank the Skank was able to play today. The other for constantly belittling my mission.

5:44 PM
Another question buried among many expletives and derogatory homophobic comments. This fan must be related to Ozzie Guillen.

Do you like llama’s? - Jamel

Yes.

5:37 PM
The Colts have entered the field for warmups. They have the look and attitude of true champions. No sight of Rex or the Bears. Probably on a bus heading back to Miami International Airport.

4:44 PM
Since this game is going to be so ugly for Bears fans, I thought I would post this “cheer you up” video of the game that ultimately cost Dennis Green his job. Yeah, Lovie really cares about the progression of African American head coaches in the NFL. What a hypocrite.

Please feel free to comment. It is a little creepy for me to be all alone here at Jay the Joke with Bernie Lincicome.

4:20 PM
Oh goodie, a question from a fan!

Hey Really Jay, can you give us a sneak peak at tomorrow’s column? I’m pretty sure it’s 75% written already. Also, congrats on getting through this week with your bad ticker. I’m told there are a lot of speedo wearing boys on the beach. - Bernie Lincicome

Good day to you too Bernie! For the folks out there not familiar with Bernie’s work, don’t feel bad. Admittedly, he is not very well known among the minions but I must admit Bernie is a very dutiful homeresque house reporter with stints in Denver and Chicago. And yes, I am not ashamed to state on the record that I clubbed out tomorrow’s column* nearly 2 weeks ago. It really became a no-brainer once the Colts battered the Patriots just like Brady did to Gisele a few hours later after the game. And really, what’s the big deal if the Bears for whatever freak reason actually pull this caper off? (fat chance). All I need to do is dust off that piece I wrote after the Sox World Series and substitute out Ozzie Guillen for Lovie Smith and a few other quick changes. Hell, isn’t that what “search & replace” functionality is all about on Microsoft Word? Thanks for the concern about my heart, however all is well as Wilton Manors took exceptional care of my unique needs. Paco was quite effective until Greg’s arrival. Best of luck to you Bernie. Hope that side gig of writing junior high school year books proves lucrative and trolling this blog continues to be self-fulfilling!

4:14 PM
The dude playing for the Baghdad Bears throws interceptions just as well as Rex the Hex.

Yup, it is indeed karma.

3:58 PM
Is Stevie Nicks a man, woman or goat? Somebody help me out, I really no longer know.

3:44 PM
I cannot decide who would be a better quarterback today for the Chicago Bears? What do my benevolent Jay the Joke posters think?

3:32 PM
I love this pressroom! It has the best flatscreens for important media personnel such as myself. And I loved the CBS piece on Tank Johnson. Hope everybody noticed that my column* was profiled! And I couldn’t agree more with Phil Simms. It is an absolute joke that Tank the Skank is allowed to play in this game let alone not be in jail right now. Of course Shannon Sharpe comes to Tank’s rescue. Gee wonder why?

And who let this white trash in the stadium?

3:05 PM
Apparently Pat Dahl’s Super Bowl ticket turned out to be a counterfeit and his family is hiding out in the swamp outside Dolphin Stadium. How hilarious! He’s text messaging me, “Please tell security to let us in!” Too bad suckers. Better jump that fence (if you can get past the security guards). Oh by the way, real celebrities never have these types of problems.

2:58 PM
The team buses for both respective teams just arrived at the Stadium. Manning is picture perfect confident and cool. Bad Rex nearly tripped getting off the bus. Not a great sign for Bears fans.

2:45 PM
This is why the Super Bowl should be played in domed stadiums. It seems Commish Roger “Rabbit Do” Goodell has the same effectiveness over weather as he does presiding over a league of violent criminals. Please bring back Paul “The Iron Hand” Tagliabue.

2:32 PM
I just saw Archie Manning near the Colts locker room. His pride for Peyton must be tremdous. Almost as great as mine was when Greg wrote his first Sun-Times column*. By the way Bears fans, Archie is already smoking a celebratory cigar. Eli tried doing the same but his face turned green and threw up. It seems he did not understand that you are not supposed to eat the butt (no irony intended). I rescued his cigar off the floor (carefully wiping off a little vomit) and put it in my pocket. One day this thing is going to be worth a fortune on EBay.

1:57 PM
I just arrived at Dolphin Stadium and sat down at my notebook computer in the pressroom. Dahl’s been bugging me to post his Super Bowl ticket just to make all the other Jay the Joke losers a little more jealous. Just look at it this way, everyone back home in the City of Weak Shoulders is saving themselves a ton of money and embarrassment for what is about to transpire later this afternoon.

1:03 PM
Text messaging from my Blackberry: Shuttlebus stopped at intersection. Some kind of commotion. Looks like a homeless guy begging for change is holding up traffic. He’s wearing a #31 tattered Bears jersey. Is that Rashaan Salaam?

12:24 PM
I’m supposed to board the hotel shuttle for Dolphin Stadium right now.

Hard to believe that the Sun-Times did not send a limo to the hotel for Greg and I. How classless.

I really miss Larry. He took such good care of my needs before and after the Saints - Bears debacle back in Chicago. (Greg doesn’t like me bringing up Larry.)

Since you are undoubtedly dying from boredom of the pre-game Super Bowl drivel on ESPN (how coked out is Michael Irvin right now?), read more about me and Larry here.

And its a real bummer that its supposed to rain this afternoon. Afterall, Greg and I just bought matching Ray-Bans. We are so South Beach!

11:07 AM
Something really funny just happened at breakfast!

Guess who was seated near my table? Yup, Dan Grossman.

I felt kind of bad for the guy. I mean here he is trying to be supportive for his kid who is going to disgrace Chicago and all of football on the international stage and I just wrote a pretty tough column* about his whole flower thing. Really, I don’t have any idea what he was thinking when he sent me an orange and bluel floral arrangement instead of the more appropriate blue and white color theme, but still it is really hard to fault a guy trying so hard to impress and befriend me, right? So, I went over to his table and noticed he had this really nice Bears commemorative Super Bowl program with the Hex on the cover. Before Dan could say anything at all, I whipped out my Sharpie and scrawled on the cover:

Dan, Sorry to see your kid have to destroy the family name today. Remember Greg and I are always in your corner. Sincerely, “Real” Jay Mariotti

Anyways, Papa Wonder Bear seemed a little ticked off and said something that I cannot type on the blog. Must be the pressure or something.

And for the record, the quiche was dry and my sidedish of brats was overcooked (I asked for extra bloody rare). What the heck is trichomonas? 

10:12 AM
Where the heck is room service? Its breakfast time!

Oh well, gives me a chance to mingle with the common folks in the buffet line. You know, it is good to do that once and awhile, especially since I’m running for President.

Somebody left a copy of the Chicago Tribune outside our my hotel room. Probably was that idiot Dr. Dan Grossman.

Poncho boy has a Bears column now? (registration required) Since when? My chest just started to hurt. I better take my heart medication.

9:30 AM (ET)
Good morning Internet creatures!

Well, by now I’m sure you all have rushed over to the Sun-Times website to catch my Sunday column* predicting a Colts win. No apologies to any Da Bears fans ‘cause Da team is gonna choke today!

The view from my South Beach hotel room is quite breathtaking. Over the ocean flies the Good Year blimp. A message reads: THE WORLD IS YOURS.  Yes, today the world will indeed belong to Peyton Manning. And to myself.  Greg flew in last night as a surprise. He is calling me from the bedroom. Something about not being able to find the airpump.

And Pat, I fully expect the agreed upon million dollars to be wired to my Cayman Islands account for this extra effort to boost Jay the Joke viewership.

Will check in from time to time prior to kickoff. Don’t go anywhere!

Today’s game to be discussed in the forum here. You presence is obviously expected.

Today’s Column
Today Jay writes a rather uninspired piece about Brian Urlacher.  In fact, the piece was so pedestrian that I just don’t have it in me to analyze it.  But that doesn’t mean I won’t criticize Jay for something else!

Jay the Fraud
Jay’s column on Sunday had the dateline “Miami.” Funny thing is, a Jay the Joke operative flew to Miami on Sunday morning and Jay was on his flight.  How could Jay’s Sunday column have a Miami dateline when Jay was still in Chicago, unless… Jay was lying!  Yes, for anyone who has ever wanted proof that Jay tries to manipulate us into thinking he is working hard, this is it. 

In what has to be one of the all time biggest wastes of extra legroom, Jay sat in first class.

Special Super Bowl Live Blog
If you are looking for something to give your Super Bowl viewing an extra kick, then I highly recommend you visit Jay the Joke during the game.  We are going to be joined by our first guest blogger, The Real Jay Mariotti, who will be live-blogging the game!  If you haven’t experienced a live blog done by this man, then you haven’t enjoyed some of footballs most biting insane commentary.

Yours truly will be at the game, snapping photos and e-mailing them to The Real Jay Mariotti, who we only hope will oblige us by posting them.  It should be a fun place to be, so check it out.

The Forum
The forum is slowly building steam.  If you haven’t been over there and posted, we hope you’ll poke around.

The Sun-Times should have known that sending Jay down to the land of cabanas and fruity drinks was a big mistake.  Our stubby friend has been down in Miami for five days and every one of his columns has qualified as nothing more than a Super Bowl XLI cliché.  Let’s review, shall we?

Sunday: For the big Sunday edition Jay brought out his big gun: race.  I had no idea that this was the first Super Bowl to feature not one, but two black coaches.  I also had no idea that this was a positive.  Seriously.  No idea.

Monday: Jay, ever helpful, reminded us that there was a football team that played in Chicago in 1985 and ‘86.  This was just a springboard for the earth shattering news that Miami is a city full of vices.

Tuesday: In case you haven’t heard, Rex Grossman is no Peyton Manning.  But Jay has written this column so many times it has nearly stopped being a cliché.  I’m guessing this column was a quick write after Jay lost track of time while rocking his banana hammock on the beach. 

Wednesday: We knew it was coming, we just didn’t know when.  This was the day Jay decided to unveil his column ripping Tank Johnson.

Thursday: Wait… Peyton Manning hasn’t won a Super Bowl?  And neither did Dan Marino?  That’s crazy!  I had no idea!

These stories are so clichéd that the famous internet creatures are able to predict what’s coming the day before!

There are plenty of Super Bowl stories out there that haven’t been beaten to death.  For example, Jay’s co-worker Rick Telander wrote an interesting article where he actually interviewed (gasp!) Mike Ditka.  ESPN even had an engaging front page story about Nathan Vasher’s mother yesterday. 

New angles aren’t that hard to uncover.  Well, they aren’t that hard to uncover when you aren’t deathly afraid of being face to face with the players, coaches and staff.  And yes, I’m saying Jay is afraid of Virginia McCaskey.