Predictably, Jay Mariotti was pining for Mark Cuban again this morning after hearing the news that the Tribune Company would, in fact, be selling the Cubs next year after the company announced its sale to eccentric real estate mogul Sam Zell.

In fact, I’m guessing Mike Downey wrote his curmudgeonly anti-Cuban article just because he knew exactly where Mariotti was going to take this story.

In principle, I’m actually with Mariotti on this one. Cuban would make a great owner for the Cubs. And it isn’t going to happen. But we’ll keep speculating anyway.

I mean, while we’re talking about Internet billionaires, why not Bill Gates? Couldn’t he take some time off from saving African children from malaria to save millions of suffering Cubs fans?

(Wow. I am a terrible person.)

Well, since Gates has set his sights on ending higher levels of human suffering, I’m guessing he’s out. But while we’re in the business of putting forth Cubs ownership proposals with no hope of becoming a reality, how about this:

Sell the team to a conglomerate of Cubs fans.

If Green Bay can own the Packers, I see no reason Wrigleyville can’t take its collective misery into its own hands. With a grassroots movement over the course of this season, we could easily raise enough funds to make a formidable proposal when the time comes.

Take me for example. I’m a graduate student with no real income. I think Jaythejoke cleared $2.31 in Google Ad revenue last week. Let’s just say the IRS isn’t exactly beating down my door to get its paws on that. Still, I think I could come up with $500 dollars for such a worthy cause. And I know there are far wealthier fans than myself up there who would step up even more.

The last estimate I saw in the Tribune put the value of the Cubs at about $600 million. I guarantee there’s enough money in Cubdom to get there in no time.

Obviously, this operation would need leadership. I’m envisioning a high profile board of trustees featuring Ernie Banks, Ryne Sandberg, Ron Santo, Bill Murray and other Chicago legends. Stockholders would elect this board at an annual meeting, but all major decisions of the board would have to be ratified by a simple majority in the case of internal issues ...

(Sorry, I’m starting to sound like the peasants from Monty Python. Let’s just say we’ll figure out a way to make it work.)

The point is, no one has been able to bring it home for the Cubs in a century. Meanwhile, there we fans are every year, drinking our weight in Old Style, cursing the decision to drop money on a (Nomar/Prior/Corey Patterson/Todd Hundley/Julio Zuleta) jersey, and paying 40 bucks or more apiece to dodge falling concrete. Those dollars have built the Cubs into the cash cow they are today. The time has come to regain control of our investment.

Imagine owning stock in the Cubs. You could sit there at a game, drink a beer every inning and scarf hot dogs until you look and feel like a pre-Nurtisystem John Kruk. Instead of saying to yourself “maybe it’s time for me to really reevaluate things,” you would be enhancing the value of your investment. It’s a win-win!

The time has come, Cubs fans. For too long we have endured ownership that couldn’t delver the goods. This way, if we go another hundred years without a World Series, we’ll have no one to blame but ourselves.