Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
- Rap Master Billy S.

It is not often that grown ups, excluding those who still live in their mommy’s basement, actually pay attention to curses, hexes, horoscopes and stuff like that. But, Mariotti seems fixated on them. His references to the Cubs, when lucid, are rife with them. But, the Cubs aren’t playing right now and he* clearly had one more Hextravaganza to get out of his* system. So, today we are treated to “Time to exorcise Rex Hex”.

Now, for those of you with a 3rd grade diploma, can you tell me what is wrong with this headline? That’s right, exorcize is spelled wrong.  I do believe that I now owe crazed howler monkeys the world over a written apology, and a gift certificate to be named later, for comparing them to the sports’ editors at the Sun Times.

Nevertheless, back on track, we get this bit of bizarre wisdom in the opening paragraph.

I’m thinking mayoral corruption will stop in this city before the Bears find a quarterback. I’m thinking the clunky, clattering L trains will be replaced by a sleek, Jetsons-like monorail system, rides free of charge.  I’m thinking Mike Ditka does “Dancing With the Stars” and the Blizzard of Oz becomes a trappist monk. I’m thinking all pizza and steak joints shut down, as Chicago goes vegan.

Yes, Trappist is a proper noun and should be capitalized, clunky isn’t a real word and the Jetsons didn’t have a monorail, but let’s focus on the rest. In one sentence he * accuses our mayor of corruption, opines that Rex Grossman isn’t really a quarterback and then just wanders around the English language like he* never saw it before. It is this level of journalism* that causes teachers to just throw up their hands and say “The hell with it. Just skip the damn degree and go write for the Sun Times.”

If not for the 100-year drought of the Cubs, the black hole behind center at Soldier Field would loom as the spookiest curse in American sports.

Oops, sorry, my bad. He* did get to mention the Cubs.

But, calling Rex a “black hole” seems a tad extreme. After all, the kid has won many more games than he has lost. He did get us to the Superbowl (yes I saw what happened when he did) and he has been forced to try and fit into an offensive scheme that is, to be kind, offensive. Never one to let facts get in the way, though, Mariotti trundles on.

I remind Smith and Angelo that the average life expectancy in this country is only 74. I also remind them that the Packers and Vikings are positioned to rule the NFC North for a while, with Minnesota expected to make a strong pitch for McNabb. With the Bears in transition, this is the time to create a team around a serious quarterback. If McNabb is available for a No. 1 draft pick and later pick, make the deal. If there’s a chance to trade up and groom Ryan, do it. But to return with the incumbents does nothing but announce to the fans:

“We don’t know what we’re doing. We’re QB-phobic idiots.”

For those of you playing along at home, the Vikings have a great running back, a mediocre defense, need a QB almost as bad as every other team and could easily fall to pieces without some serious off season moves. The Packers have a legendary QB, but no one really groomed for his eventual retirement, a so-so defense and can be picked apart by blitzing teams. Not a recipe for dominance from either team.

Also, fitting McNabb into the Vikings’ scheme would be a nightmare. His passer rating, when forced to work from a pocket, is around a 60. That’s not exactly the dictionary definition of “lighting it up.”

And, bonus, for the actuaries in our group; the average life expectancy in the US is 77.8 years, not 74. I found this out in a very silly way. I looked it up on the Center for Disease Control’s web site. They are the fun people who supply all the insurance agencies with their facts.

I know, I know, far too much effort for him*.

Anyway, it is all the same old, same old and it still smells just as bad. Slim started a thread already so, put away your mojo, bag up the bones and Read More in the forums!

A new post by Killer Carlson.

You know, just the other day I had this ‘warm and fuzzy’ feeling, and began to put my thoughts down on paper. 

As we head into this New Year I am thankful for many things. 

Health
Family
My new son

The White Sox are slowly beginning to wake up and realize that Spring Training is right around the corner and they are no longer the ‘defending World Series Champions’. 

Happy Days !!

…and the then the sonuvabiotch ran out of ideas. 

I awoke this morning to peruse the Chicago Blackhawks Message Boards (as I often do) to find that the ‘little bollocks’ had to go there. 

Where did he go you may ask ?? 

Cool (frigid) idea: Hawks at Soldier Field

I think it is now O-ficially fair to say that he is pilfering his columns from the 12 years olds that post on message boards.

This idea has been kicked around for at least the last 8-10 years, and was addressed by Blackhawks team President John McDonough last week on a live pre-game call-in show on WSCR.

Goatboy tells us that ‘is is not an O-riginal idea’. 

Gee …..do ya think ?? 

I guessed that when I found it in your article. 

I honestly did try to keep an open mind as I clawed my way through the article. 

I thought “do you think he could stick to the facts at hand without going off on a tangent ??”

Not a chance. 

He proceeds to take shots at Sam Zell and the NHL. 

You have to admit that he is consistent. 

It amazes me that a man who has done nothing but mock the city that feeds him would go ‘out on a limb’ to suggest something like this for the ‘City of Weak Shoulders’, but then I thought of the plethora of victims that will have to endure his wrath.

City of Chicago
Chicago Park District
Mayor Daley
NHL Front Office
The television coverage
Blackhawks (and the opposing team)
Hockey fans
Hockey culture
The Cubs, White Sox, Bears, Bulls, Fire, Wolves, Ice Hogs, Sisters of Mercy 4-on-4 basketball leagues and any other structured sports or-gan-I-za-tions.

I am sure that somehow he will find a way to praise Boise State in the process.

I guess that I should still be thankful. 

I made it three days into 2008 before he mentioned my Blackhawks. 

Happy Days!!

Read All About It In the Forums!