Jay, don’t touch that.
What are you doing Jay?
That’s not .... ohhhhh, nice Jay......Daisy, Daisy, .....
Today, our Diva of Despair whips his* little Starchild into high dudgeon over the Canseco signing. That was in 2001 for those of you playing along at home. Which was also the same year that the Littlest Loser boo-hooed any thoughts of Bonds using steroids and went further to point out that his quest for home run history was a wonderful thing. He* had no published thoughts on the Canseco signing. Probably because it happened in Chicago.
But, 7 years, 2 congressional hearings (one ongoing), several books, a whole lot of articles from real journalists and one report from a former US Senator later, the Mensch of Misery notes that Kenny Williams shouldn’t have signed Canseco because he did steroids.
Okay. Sure. What is not noted is the fact that, although Kenny (and everyone with an IQ above turnip) suspected Canseco of juicing (which has been reported by better minds than mine), he was bound by various contracts and unable to directly question or test in 2001. And the Sox needed a hitter. Desperately. So what should Kenny have done? Strapped Canseco to a gurney and forcibly tested him? That whooshing sound you just heard was 1,000,000 lawyers rushing to their calculators to assess the damages had that happened.
What the Mistress of Mediocrity fails to address is the thought processes in the front offices of Oakland, Texas, Boston, Toronto, Tampa Bay and the Yankees. Since, as he* noted in his* article;
Thomas Boswell, the famed Washington Post baseball columnist, had said in 1998 that Canseco was “the most conspicuous example of a player who has made himself great with steroids.”
Simply put, for the calendar challenged, the Sox signed him years after everyone else did.
That also means that it only took a decade from that article, to this one*, for the Antithesis of Alacrity to notice. For him*, that is practically a current event.
I picture him*, in a manner akin to the proto-humans in Clark & Kubrick’s epic, prancing around his* cubicle, swishing his* little bone in the air while grunting in glee, finally thinking he* has the goods on someone he* hates.
But what has he* got?
An alleged rumor that may or may not have been valid (remember, at the time, no one had confessed and no reports of any kind had been issued) concerning actions that actually didn’t violate a large part of MLB’s, then current, rules. While that may pass as the high water mark for journalism for those who live within the obelisk, it is the kind of writing* that kills brain cells for the rest of us.
TomD has already started a nifty thread on this topic, so Click Here to Join the Fun!
Long time poster, The Chronek, has said it better than I could today, so read his post below and feel better about yourself.
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Never one to rest on his laurels (his well-earned Lisagor awards and spot on Around The Horn), Mariotti has yet again returned his axe to the grindstone that is Jerry Reinsdorf.
In a column late tonight, our favorite pundit took over 2,000 words to say the Bulls need to have a fire sale right now! now! NOW! To be fair to Jay, yes, so far this Bulls season is very much a disappointment. Yes, several fans and pundits expected the Bulls to make a serious run for the Eastern conference title.
Life has a funny way of not turning out like we expect it, though. What we can do is take our lumps, learn from our mistakes and move forward, or we can cry out that the sky is falling and only free agent or trade bait A, B or C can save us.
Funny how Jay writes that Pau Gasol “isn’t a savior as much as a complimentary piece” when in previous articles he demanded that Gasol was the low-post presence that the Bulls needed.
Of course, Mariotti makes pie-in-the-sky demands yet again that the Bulls somehow acquire Kobe or even Dwyane Wade. Even if the Bulls got Kobe, who else would still be on the team? Wade’s homecoming would be a nice story, but what kind of salary cap room will that eat up?
Mariotti also demands that the Bulls get rid of the dead weight. Easier said then done, fella. Given the Bulls’ performance this year, you may not get a whole lot in return for some of the pieces you’’re trying to unload. If you want another example of cutting the dead weight, ask why you still have a job, Jay, when so many other Sun Times employees just got their termination notice via phone.
Hey, you bring publicity to the Sun Times, and that’s a good thing, right? Right?
Right.
To be fair, Jay writes that he’s “on the phone, every day” like “the rest of the civilized world.”
Talking to your dentist, waxer and Syracuse university students doesn’t count, Jay. I seem to remember during Fag Gate when you said you didn’t need to talk directly to your sources, because that’s not your job. That’s just for the beat reporters, right? Talking to sources would ruin your sense of fairness, right?
Right.
There are times I wonder if Mariotti isn’t Charles Dickens reincarnated. Dickens was paid by the word, after all. Then I remember that Dickens actually made worthwhile contributions to literature, and that ends that thought.
We dealt with the hand job he* routinely gives Tom Brady already, HERE, so I won’t bother creeping myself out again. Or you. Or anyone you know. Or anyone you might accidentally meet. Nor will I belabor the point about how Eli Manning isn’t as good looking as Peyton. Therefore, he will be wearing New England footprints all over his jersey after the Super Bowl. At least that seems to be what passes for logic lately.
Simply put, the Patriots have done an incredible job of finally shutting up Mercury Morris and the other blowhards from the ‘72 Dolphins. The Giants, after a dismal start, rallied and put together a season that any team would be proud of. Both teams deserve to be there and we here at JTJ congratulate them on their seasons as we hold out hope for a good game.
So what can we talk about today? Well, since this is a Chicago sports’ site, I’ll take a wild shot in the dark and say “Chicago Sports!” Not something you read all that much about in this town lately.
Starting with the active teams, the Bulls seem to be trying really hard to figure out what the heck went wrong. From the outside, it seems pretty simple. They have forgotten the basics of defense and are clearly frightened by offense. How do they fix that? Personally, I’d hire Rodman or Van Lier to be a bench coach, point them to the defense and say, “Fix this. Fix this now!” I think the flack such a move would create might be too much for this team to handle, but that doesn’t make it a bad idea. As to their offense, I’ve heard about these things called “Shoot Arounds” that seem to help other teams. Maybe the Bulls can try it too.
The Hawks, despite dire warnings of how they are going to kill their nascent fan base with a few losses, are doing just fine. Thank you very much. They have the core of a team that should be together for a decade or better. They have All Star caliber talent in their young guys and have positioned themselves to be the team to watch for years to come. Don’t be afraid. Go ahead and get the coolest shirt in the NHL and wear it proudly.
Speaking of shirts (gotta love segues), we move to the Fire. Yes, they sold the naming rights to their jerseys. Before you go screaming about the purity of their logo or other such rot, keep in mind that this is a time honored tradition in world wide soccer. Finally the US, and Chicago specifically, is getting the respect of advertising and its fan base is justifying that support. Also, while you’re wringing your hands, I should note that the Fire is the 7th MLS team, not the first, to do this. Or, look at it this way, LA sold their naming rights to Herbalife. Things could have been much worse.
Speaking of naming rights (I think I am done with segues now), let’s talk about the Cubs. While they have certainly made enough moves to win the Central, beating the Brewers and the Cards should not be the highlight of their season. They have a head-case of an ace who rarely gets it together before June and a leadoff hitter who keeps forgetting the 8 other guys on the field. Unless and until they get that straightened out, I think Cubs fans are looking at a landmark futility record.
Speaking of futility (sorry, I couldn’t stop myself), let’s look at the Sox. Unless they plan on a 3 man rotation and starting 7 infielders and 2 outfielders on Opening Day, I am thinking there might be a couple of more trades on the horizon. God knows, I certainly hope so. Nevertheless, the Sox have gone from World Series winners to imitating the Royals so quickly that there are South Siders with whiplash. But, since they clearly have more off-season work to do, I will reserve judgement until they are done.
Anyway, you need not be so polite, so come on in JOIN THE FUN!
What would Chicago be like without the third owner in the history of North American sports to win a championship in two different sports? What would we talk about if this accredited minister of The Universal Life Church took his version of sports religion elsewhere? Where would we be without this real estate mogul who took his money and threw it into Chicago sports teams?
I only ask because, today, our malignant little writer* tasks us with the thought of Mr. Reinsdorf going quietly into the good night. After all, he is 72. Clearly in his dotage. And, ever since “LOGAN’S RUN” we have known that old people need to be exterminated at a carnival. Or, maybe, in the twisted mind of Chicago’s Cut and Paste Queen, it is more akin to “SOYLENT GREEN” and we should kill and eat him after showing him pictures of the pretty pastures that he should have gone on to. Maybe wash it all down with a nice Chianti. After all, he is just taking up space at this point.
I am using the above, dated, allusions in an effort not to tax the tiny minds of the his* minions with any references to modern allegories.
So, let’s take a look at all the horrors Chicagoans have endured living with Mr. Reinsdorf’s efforts. While, according to Mariotti, Benny The Bull could have won 6 NBA titles with Michael Jordan on the team, I should point out that Mr. Jordan was drafted in 1984. The reason the Bulls could draft him was simple. They were a high lottery pick. That is NBA-speak for “freaking God-awful!”
And, even with Mr. Jordan, it wasn’t until Mr. Reinsdorf assembled the correct mix of coaching staff and on floor talent that the Bulls, not just Jordan, became perennial champions. Please keep in mind that when Reinsdorf purchased the team in 1985, he had one star (YEAH! The “I” in team Mariotti so lovingly covets) and a losing record.
There were 4 NBA franchises in Chicago prior to the Bulls. Simply put, without Reinsdorf, instead of 6 championships, we would probably be on our 6th or 7th franchise, if there was any here at all.
Prior to taking over the Bulls, in 1981 he bought the White Sox. Clearly hell bent on maximizing profits and screwing the life long fans he ..... well, sorry, actually he signed Carlton Fisk. A fan favorite and team leader who brought instant respectability to the White Sox organization. By 1983 the White Sox were back in the playoffs, for the first time since 1959.
I could go on an on about his other, non sports’ related work. His donations totaling millions of dollars to the neighborhood surrounding the Bulls’ home. His efforts to help impoverished children have safe places to go and learn and grow out of the shadow of gangs. You know, silly stuff.
Instead, I will end by noting that Reinsdorf is a Brooklyn guy. And, once you get past the accent, Brooklyn guys are a lot like Chicago guys. They are hard nosed, blue collar, guys who want a fair shake. Reinsdorf has given us that far more often than not. Moreover, if you look at his hires (both good and bad) a clear pattern emerges. He has a penchant for hiring people with strong personalities and solid work ethics. Those are also two traits that Chicagoans can admire. Unlike Mariotti who seems to have a penchant for self absorbed sycophants and preening frat boys. Traits that will get you beaten into silly-putty by those hard nosed, blue collar, guys.
So, screw you Jay, and here’s to you Mr. Reinsdorf! I raise my morning’s frosty, adult, libation in your honor and look forward to you having renewed success in Chicago for many years to come.
TomD. has Already Started a Thread, so Click This Link and Join the Fun!
If you look up jay mariotti and steroids at Find Articles Dot Com (you need to use the advanced search function), you will find many interesting articles. Some June and August, 2001 bits of wisdom on how Barry Bonds is scandal and steroids free and is actually a wonderful family guy. How Patrick Ewing received oral sex in a night club. How Little League let down a 12 year old kid who wanted to pitch. Many references to Britney Spears. One of which seems to imply she can just be called Britney if she is scantily clad. You will even find an old article about why Michael Jordan shouldn’t retire (I have no idea why that one came up).
What you will not find is an article from him* bemoaning the use of steroids in sports. Unlike Telander, Verdi, Morrissey and many others who have been crying in the wilderness about this issue for years, Mariotti has remained either deaf, blind or just plain dumb.
So, today’s expulsion of bile is kind of a surprise. While he has consistently ripped Selig throughout his* literary* career, it has usually been due to his lack of effort with the union, his appearance as a toady of Reinsdorf’s and so on. He* has consistently ignored the growing concerns about HGH, steroids and other related subjects.
We also get the obligatory rip on the Tribune and Reinsdorf for getting rich in the steroids’ era. I should note here, for the casual reader, that the Tribune owns one team and Reinsdorf owns others. They have nothing in common, from a business standpoint. What is neglected is that the Congressional investigators and MLB are clearly focusing on the Giants’ organization and upper management. No one has accused Reinsdorf or the Tribune owned Cubs of anything.
I know, I am a “Silly Billy” for resorting to facts when there is so much more fun to be had just flinging stuff against the wall.
I must grant that he* has, lately, come to the possible conclusion that Roger Clemens may not be telling the whole truth. Or, as has been pointed out by the more coherent among us; admitting to having your butt numbed up in a room of half naked men may not be your best means of showing good judgement.
And he* has, recently, tossed out several blatant generalizations regarding the current state of drug affairs in MLB that it is quite possible one of them may be right. Or, at least that there may be a few players who live down to his expectations. However, unlike journalists, he offers no background, no facts, nothing. Just his screeching word.
Simply put, for a man* who has nothing to say, he certainly says it loud enough. Click Here to read More in the forums!