I did something incredibly stupid and embarrassing this weekend. The kind of “stupid and embarrassing” that gets you laughed at by medical professionals. They say you’re never too old to learn. In my case, that may be the only positive I will be able to take out of this.

But enough about me, let’s take a look back at Chicago sports this weekend.

First off, just FYI, the last time the Bulls and the Blackhawks won a playoff game on the same day was back in 1992. And that was when both teams played both games in the old Madhouse on Madison. Simply put, it has been a while.

Tonight, both teams try and repeat this seldom accomplished feat. And, for the first time since I can remember, no one is laughing at the prospect. Vegas has the Celtics as 8 point favorites and the Hawks going down by, at least, one. That would be the same people who had the Celtics sweeping in 4 and the Hawks going out in 5. Since both those propositions are off the table, I hope no one minds if I cheer for our hometown teams.

I didn’t think so.

The White Sox are 4-2 on their current road trip which featured their first back to back wins on plastic grass since 2007. I have no idea what that means in the grand scheme of things. After all, 2007 wasn’t exactly a record setting season for the Good Guys in Black, unless you think the “number of empty seats” statistic is worth keeping. On the other hand, wins in tough parks early in the year can help set the tone for the season. I guess we’ll all just have to stay tuned and see what happens.

The Cubs have managed to post a wining record despite having Neal Cotts on their roster and what is the big story for them? Milton Bradley acting like a self absorbed tool. As Tyrone noted yesterday, by challenging his two day suspension (which would have occurred while he was out anyway) he has now set up the team to lose him for an even longer period of time.

His appeal will be heard by Bob Watson. The same Bob Watson who, on April 7, 2009, was asked if he thought Milton would blow his cool again.

‘No, I would be surprised if that happened,’’ said Watson. ‘’I understand people around the league might say things [about Bradley], but he’s under control.

‘But what’s happened is he’s a little older, and he’s matured,’’ Watson said. ‘’I want to say hopefully the anger-management classes are kicking in. Plus the other thing is he’s a lot more financially set. And the Boys and Girls Club might take a hit because he doesn’t get fined so much.’’

Or not.

Since I feel like ending this on a positive note, I am going to defer to K. C. JOHNSON (Tribune) for a look at a player who is beginning to epitomize the idealized Chicago athlete.

Less than 24 hours after tying a 39-year-old NBA playoff record, Derrick Rose walked down Boylston Street alone and completely unrecognized.

The Bulls’ practice Sunday afternoon at a local college had ended, the team hotel stood a half-block away and Rose strolled in the sunshine, basking in his anonymity.

It’s the way the rookie likes it, which is why, after taking a congratulatory call from his mother Saturday night, he turned his phone to silent, shut the door to his room and watched three movies in solitude.

No “SportsCenter” for Rose, even though the show led with him tying Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s record by scoring 36 points in his rookie playoff debut.

I don’t think you can get more “Joe Lunch-bucket” than that. He’s too young to get a six pack. So, we cheer our heroes, jeer our fools and prepare for another exciting week of Chicago sports.

CLICK HERE TO CHEER AND JEER ALONG WITH US!

Captain, Road Prison 36: What we’ve got here is… failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it… well, he gets it. I don’t like it any more than you men.

Despite their glaring bullpen deficiencies, the Chicago Cubs are 7-4 and sitting a top the NL Central Division.

Many here already are well aware (and nauseated) by more than a few comments by yours truly directed towards the Northsiders. No, the taste of bile has not yet been extinguished from last season’s 0-3 debacle against the Dodgers. That might take 100 years or so. Or an appearance in the World Series. Whichever comes first. Just to be safe, I’ll continue to diet and exercise.

The Cubs are probably not as bad as prognosticated by this Republican loving seemingly anti-social angry lout. However, it is doubtful that they are as terrific as their zombie-like nation of fanatics presume. Subtracting Wood and De Rosa from the squad still appears unwise.  A long season will judge that assessment in due time.

Truthfully, the quality of this team is somewhere in the middle of the very worst and best of expectations. Last season’s team was full of hope and excitement before derailing itself in the postseason. This year’s team seems skittish, especially every time Lou Piniella hands Neal Cotts the baseball.

And then there is already the Milton Bradley factor.

Perhaps there has been no other free agent arriving to Chicago that has created more divisive thread dialogue here at Jay the Joke than the legendary board game company’s namesake. At his very best, Milton Bradley is an above average fielder with terrific plate presence. However too often in his career, the fiery competitor has been an oft-injured whiner with a self-destructive tendency to tee off against umpires and broadcasters.

A few days ago, Milton Bradley made his Wrigley Field debut memorable. Called upon to pinch hit during a critical junction of the baseball game, Bradley was called out on a very suspect strike call. A balls and strike argument ensued which lead to his automatic ejection.

End of story?

Not quite. Home plate umpire Larry Vanover claimed that Bradley made physical contact during their exchange. An incident report was filed to the league office and Bradley was suspended for 2 games.

Finally, end of story?

Nope. Despite being injured and not available to offer his very best services to the Cubs and defying all common sense, Milton Bradley is appealing this suspension with the coddling support of Jim Hendry and Lou Piniella. This is not for the betterment of the Cubs. At the most, this suspension will be reduced by one game which would be served when Bradley is fully healed. Divisions can be won and lost by 1 game. This is all about the pride and ego of a jilted ballplayer who has always believed that authority figures in MLB conspire against him.

I can not help but recall Bradley’s press conference following his free agent signing. He spoke impressively about his passion to compete and win. He discussed the importance of placing the needs of the team above all else. And perhaps most significant of all was his admittance that he has made bad decisions in the past and a false premise that he was the victim in previous confrontations.

He said all the right things at the time. And was rewarded a $30 million contract.

What happened to that guy?

Milton Bradley is well past being just another immature young player learning the ongoing of playing professional baseball. He is a veteran and knows the deal. You win some battles and lose others. Yes, we all more or less recognize that pitch was a ball and not a strike. But he chose to engage the matter further at the complete expense of the Cubs and look at the ensuing aftermath. It is not worth it. This is not a battle worth waging against MLB.

The ultimate goal should be winning the war. And that is finally making an appearance in the World Series.

Hey Milton, if you really want to show up the man, then take this team on your shoulders and lead it to the promised land.

Otherwise you are just another blowhard punk.

And since it is generally accepted that Milton Bradley marches to his own drum and doesn’t listen to anyone anyway, perhaps he will revisit the above video. It is time for Bradley to live up to those spoken words. Be a man and step up. Because that is something this team sorely needs to clear the next hurdle.

Drop the appeal. Get healthy. Move on. And above all else, just win.

Milton, the choice is yours.

Our very own El Rosado has decided to become the mortal enemy of brevity and still make sense. In this case, that makes you a lucky reader since you will get the complete facts that back up his clearly stated opinions. You know, that “good writing’ stuff you keep hearing about but never find? So kick back, pop open a frosty (hell, it’s 5 O’clock somewhere) and enjoy his take on the upcoming NBA playoffs.

Beasts in the East??

My original post concerning the Eastern Conference Playoffs was intended to highlight the Beasts of the East and give them their due.  The often maligned Eastern Conference was terrific in 2009 and looked primed to deliver a fantastic post-season that would contain at least six things to remember:

1) Derrick Rose, likely Rookie of the Year, leading the Bulls to the first of what should be many playoff appearances with him leading the way.
2) Two great first-round series with the potential to go 6 or 7 games (Hawks-Heat and Bulls-Celtics)
3) Being a witness to Lebron
4) Wade back in the playoffs, carrying a Miami team on his back that has no business being in the playoffs and wouldn’t be in the mix if you replaced Wade with ANY other player in the league not named Lebron.  You can quote me on this.  Look at their roster beyond Wade.  It screams mediocrity.
5) Two juicy eastern conference semifinals matchups:  Celtics-Magic and Cavs-Hawks or Cavs-Heat.  Lebron vs. Wade for 5-6 games would be must-see TV.
6) Celtics-Cavs in the conference finals.

This was until the biggest x-factor in all of sports struck; injuries.  The Celtics are without 12-time all star and reigning defensive player of the year Kevin Garnett for the playoffs.  Orlando is minus all-star point guard Jameer Nelson.  Meanwhile, another Magic all-star, Rashard Lewis, finished the season in street clothes due to knee tendinitis and his status is uncertain going into the playoffs.  Even if he plays, he’s far from 100%.  Same goes for the other starting forward on the Magic; the guy some will say is their best and most valuable player, Hedo Turkoglu.  He suffered a bad ankle sprain last weekend and will be playing hurt if he does play.  Do the math, that’s 1 starter out, 2 others hurting for Orlando and one MONUMENTAL guy out for the Celtics, all of which now pretty much makes the East the Lebron Invitational.  Now granted, I picked them to come out of the East before the season started.  Even with a healthy Jameer Nelson, I figured Orlando was still one more quality big away from being legit and in my estimation only the defending champion Celtics posed a serious threat to the Cavs, but without KG that threat is now gone.  Cleveland can win that series in 5.  Top-seeded Cleveland has guys who can defend, handle the ball, and shoot it on the perimeter (Delonte West, Mo Williams, Sasha Pavlovic) along with a collection of big men who can defend, rebound, and score (Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Anderson Varaejao, Joe Smith, Ben Wallace, JJ Hickson), and oh yeah, this pretty decent player you might have heard of, Lebron James. 

The Cavs finished with a league-best 66 victories, 39-2 at home.  Boston has had an assortment of injury issues to key bench players and never adequately replaced what James Posey gave them off the bench last season after he signed with the Hornets over the summer, but still won 62 games.  Kevin Garnett was out for 24 games and averaging his lowest average points per game since his rookie season (15.8), his lowest rebounds per game (8.5) and minutes per game (31.1) since his second season, and the lowest blocks per game (1.2) average of his career. Rajon Rondo just turned 23 in February, yet at his age he has been a starting point guard for a team that won at least 60 games in back to back seasons and has a championship ring from last year.  He took another stride in his development into a force at point guard, averaging 12pts (50% FG), 8.4asts, and 2stls per game.  Small forward Paul Pierce and shooting guard Ray Allen each had their usual stellar seasons for the defending champs.  The 3rd-seeded Orlando Magic checked in at 59 wins behind all-star center Dwight Howard, who was the league-leader in blocks (2.9) and rebounds (13.9) while coach Stan Van Gundy has transformed his team into an elite squad that wins on the road, plays D of the same caliber as the vaunted Celtics and Spurs, and has an array of three-point shooters to rain treys from the perimeter when defenses double and triple team Dwight Howard down in the post. 

See why I was so EXCITED for the East?  Legitimately excited, anticipating at least FIVE quality series out of the seven being played on this side of the bracket.  Isn’t that all a basketball fiend like myself can ask for come playoff time, high quality games to close the season with a bang?  I sit through watching the Bucks and Pacers of the world so that I can be justly rewarded with a spectacular finish.  This had the potential to be a memorable playoff in the East.  Now with the injuries playing spoiler, it seems rather ho-hum.  Locally, we’ll be pulling for the Bulls to pull the upset against a depleted Celtics team that still managed to go 18-7 without KG, though you have to believe they were mentally deflated to learn he isn’t coming back.  We’ll all be witnesses to Lebron, starting with a 4 game sweep of the Pistons.  Philly might have a chance to spring an upset on Orlando now that Thaddeus Young is healthy and playing again and Orlando is beat up.  Could a 6-seed Vs 7-seed East Semi’s between the Bulls and 76’ers be in play?  Perhaps, and I know it would be fun to lay $20 on whatever the odds of it are in Vegas and reap the possible benefit (only in Vegas though, where it’s legal).  Hopefully Atlanta-Miami delivers a great series with the victor getting a chance at what should be an entertaining series against Cleveland in round 2, while whoever survives a possible Celts-Magic battle mortally wounded can limp into the Eastern Conference Finals to get their comeuppance. 

All in all though, it’s a bummer that the injuries have taken the suspense out the festivities, since it’s a foregone conclusion (barring injury of course) that the Lebron’s make it to the Finals, where they’ll have home-court advantage against the West.  I guess this is the part where I make all my predictions.  Even though the injuries will make it much harder for them to respectively advance, I still like the Magic and Celtics to get by the 76’ers and Bulls in a hard-fought first round battle.  Both teams are still excellent defensively, although the Celts sorely miss KG. Wade will somehow carry Miami over a good Atlanta team and into a second-round whipping at the hands of the Lebron’s, who will defeat the Celtics in 5 in the Eastern Conference Finals to advance to the NBA Finals where they will face the best from the West.  Mark it down ladies and gentlemen. 

Partially correct or your money back, GUARANTEED!

Lakers and Fakers (the West)

Out West, the Lakers are the clear-cut favorites to make the NBA Finals.  Again, we have a case similar to the Cavs out East where there were contenders who had a chance to spoil their bid, mostly until the injury bug struck and took away that possibility.  Namely, the Spurs lost Manu Ginobli for the season and New Orleans has Tyson Chandler, Peja, and James Posey amongst the walking wounded.  Those were the only two I had pegged as potential threats to the Lakers.  The Blazers are relatively healthy and could mount a threat only IF they beat Houston in the first-round and get the confidence for their young guys that can only be obtained by winning a series in the playoffs.  In terms of depth, talent, and coaching quality, they’re right there with the best of the league.  Just a matter time before this young, inexperienced team is making annual deep runs into May and June.  Meanwhile, the Spurs are always a threat, winners of 4 NBA titles in the past decade, had possibly their deepest team in years, are elite defensively, and aren’t intimidated by the Lake Show.  Their big 3 was as good (and more accomplished) then their Laker counterparts.  Now their Big 3 is a Troubled Two, with Ginobli gone and Tim Duncan battling knee problems of his own since March.  They managed to hold on to the 3-seed in the West by the slimmest of margins, giving them home-court advantage against their Texas counterparts, the Dallas Mavericks.  Tony Parker will have a BIG series offensively for the Spurs.  The Mavericks, however, are on a roll entering the second season, playing their best basketball of the season over the last month in a half and the best basketball of any team west of the Mississippi not named the Lakers.  Things are not looking good for the Spurs and I expect them to suffer only the 2nd first-round exit of the Duncan era at the hands of the Mavericks. 

There is a third Texas team getting down in the Western Conference playoffs:  The 5th-seeded Houston Rockets.  They take on a 4th-seeded Portland team that owns as much depth and talent as any other team in the playoffs.  They’re just extremely young and lack collective playoff experience.  This is Yao’s 4th attempt to escape the first-round, while perennial first-round playoff loser Tracy McGrady sits on the sideline for Houston due to micro-fracture surgery.  Houston is one of the best defensive teams in the league and with Ron Artest and Luis Scola assuming larger roles on offense they’re able to score enough too.  Wouldn’t it be ironic if a T-MAC team finally gets out of the first round, with him on the sideline?  I like Portland to win this series though because they have a better team, granted one with not nearly as much playoff experience as the Rockets, but better nonetheless.  They have a twin tower of Greg Oden/Joel Pryzbilla to throw at Yao and wear him down and Lamarcus Aldridge should have a big series at the 4 against Scola.  2-time all star shooting guard Brandon Roy is only in his third season but is one of the best 4th-quarter players in the league.  He can take over a game down the stretch. And Houston has no match for the big lineup Portland runs down the stretch, where they shift Roy to point guard and let him run the offense, play outstanding rookie swingman Rudy Fernandez at the 2-guard, with Travis Outlaw and Aldridge at the forward spots and Oden or Pryzbilla at center.  I think this series will be well-played, but Portland wins in 7.

The Hornets looked like a great “last-hurrah” dark-horse because they present matchup problems for the Lakers whenever they play and their organizational financial problems are expected to cause them to have a fire sale for everyone not name Chris Paul this summer.  The players have openly spoken about the urgency of making a last run together with their current core group before they are split up. But a limited Tyson Chandler hurts their depth in the big man rotation, which is not great beyond Chandler and all-star power forward David West as it is, while Peja’s back injury negates the impact of a proven scorer with playoff experience who can get hot from three-point range in a hurry and carry an offense.  Factor in that their big off-season acquisition, defensive stopper and clutch shooter extraordinaire James Posey is hurting now too, oh and did I mention they fell to the 7-seed and have to open up in Denver, where the Nuggets are a tough out and have the advantage of the high altitude?  Stick a fork in them, D-O-N-E.  I see Denver winning that one, though the Hornets could make things interesting if they’re healthy enough and force a 7th game.  They always play hard. 

A Nuggets victory over the Hornets in the opening round sets up a Nuggets-Mavericks matchup on one half of the Western semifinals.  Meanwhile, look for the Lakers to steamroll the Jazz in 5 games to set-up a meeting with the Blazers.  On paper, Utah matches up with LA pretty well, they have quality big guys in Boozer, Millsap, and Okur, plus Okur is a 7ft guy who can shoot from deep behind the 3pt line, which is always a matchup problem, they have a versatile forward who can play Lamar Odom in Andrei Kirilenko, they have athletes like CJ Miles and Ronnie Brewer who won’t stop Kobe but will at least make him work for his points, they have a guy who can rain treys in Kyle Korver, and lastly they have superstar guard, 2008 Olympian, and former Illinois player Deron Williams, who is always a favorite around these parts and is a top NBA player.  BUT, their Achilles heel is beating quality teams on the road.  They have had this problem for three years now, it’s why they fell to an 8-seed after being considered a title contender before the season and it’s why they will lose to the Lakers in 5.  They’re not about to learn how to beat good teams on the road suddenly in this series.

In the Western Conference semifinals I’d expect Denver to knock off Dallas in 6 and LA to do the same to Portland in 6.  Portland’s length and depth, plus their great home crowd should be enough to let them knockoff LA twice in a 7 game series.  LA is too good though, they’re on a mission to finish what they couldn’t finish last season, they’re incredibly deep, and the return of Andrew Bynum and the emergence of Trevor Ariza this season have only added to the embarrassment of riches they have in the talent department with Kobe, Pau Gasol, and Odom.  Throw in solid role players like Luke Walton, Jordan Farmar, Derek Fisher, and Sasha Vujacic, and it’s easy to see why they have 65 wins on the year and won the West by 11 games over 2nd-seeded Denver.

The West finals pit the #1 seed Lakers against the #2 seed Nuggets.  Chalk!  Stay with it my friends; it is not your enemy.  Trading Allen Iverson for Chauncey Billups single-handedly changed the path of the Nuggets.  Had Iverson stayed, they likely miss the playoffs and have a new coach at some point after George Karl quits or is fired.  Instead, Billups came in and provided the steady hand and leadership they sorely needed at point guard.  Melo very quietly had a great season, Nene and Kenyon Martin were healthy enough to give them a formidable big man starting combo up front, and JR Smith played well enough to warrant serious 6th man of the year consideration off the bench.  Chris “Birdzilla” Andersen played only 20 minutes per game off the bench as the primary reserve big man, but he wound up finishing second in the league in blocked shots.  He’s quite the story, as he tries to get his life together after being banned by the league for two years in 2006 due to drug-problems before playing briefly with the Hornets last season and then signing with Denver in the off-season.  Linas Kleiza supplies additional scoring punch off the bench, Anthony Carter is a competent backup who can spell Billups and Renaldo Balkman gives them defense and energy in the second unit with Birdzilla.  All in all they’re a good team, they just so happen to be a good team standing in the way of the buzz saw that is the Lakers.  They’ll play the Lakers tough, but if the series goes beyond 6 games I’d be shocked.  Look for the Lakers to prevail and setup a Kobe-Lebron showdown within the Lakers Vs Cavs Finals marquee.

And if you have any doubts it’s going to be Lakers-Cavs, I remind you of the ratings bonanza a Kobe-Lebron Finals would be.  David Stern is well-aware, and I’m sure the officials making the calls on the court are aware of this as well, if you catch my drift.

The NBA, its FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTASTIC!

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