I’d like to start out by thanking all the people who have contributed, in one form or another, to making Jay The Joke the continuing success it is. I especially want to thank all the journalists who go along with the fun and allow us to cite their works here on the front page. I would be horribly remiss if I didn’t take an additional nanosecond to thank Elliott Harris for all he’s done. He’s gone from being some random guy I emailed once to being a very dear friend and supporter of our humble efforts.

In keeping with the theme of Elliott’s blogs, I’ll wish him (and anyone else who might enjoy this) a Happy Nude Year!

I’d also like to pass along some great advice we got from our very own DUI_Attorney:

Here’s my warning to start the holiday season.  Be especially careful.  If you are at a party, limit yourself to one drink per hour and don’t drive for two hours after your last drink.  If you are going to party hard, get a limo, a taxi or a hotel room.  It will be much less expensive and much more safe.

Think of it as our way of saying we want you back next year.

If you live in Chicago, remember that the CTA offers penny rides to keep drunks from behind the wheel.

This is normally the time of year when people post their top or bottom 10 events of the year. Completely specious lists that are totally forgotten before they’re finished being read. I won’t bore you with anything like that.

Instead, I’ll ask you to join the, over, 70,000 people who’ve downloaded our 2010 Holiday Cookbook. I ran into a lady yesterday, figuratively as I’m a careful walker, who had a copy and had already made 3 of the recipes. She was thrilled beyond belief with them as she said they were all so clearly written it was impossible to screw anything up. No word on whether or not she tried the raccoon.

I’d love to hear from anyone who has.

I won’t keep you as I know you’ve got better things to do today.

Suffice it to say that all of us here at Jay The Joke wish each and everyone of you, yes, even you, a Bikini Bandit’s Themed New Year Celebration.

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Given the nature of the beast that was the Bears offense in the first half of the season, compared to what it is now, I felt safe in contemplating just how good Matt Forte would have been had they been running this new offense all year. He’s not flashy, nor does he seem exceptionally quick. Yet, somehow, some way, he manages to break through and get you that big play when you need it. Even more important, he’s a threat from the backfield as an extra receiver. The Bears can, and have (with Forte and Olsen plus 4 wide outs), had 6 eligible receivers on the field at the same time. That’s the kind of stuff that can drive defenses nuts. Odds are one of them will get open and then good things will happen for Da Bears.

But, all that aside, I had to admit that I was still surprised to find out just how much Forte has accomplished this season with only a half a season utilizing the running game. As VAUGHN McCLURE at the Tribune reports, Forte is probably less than a quarter away from tying a record set by Walter Payton.

No, I’m not drinking. Read on.

Based on the way coach Lovie Smith gushed about Matt Forte on Wednesday, one would have figured the Bears running back had just surpassed Walter Payton’s franchise-record rushing total.

Actually, Forte still needs 13,582 yards to top Payton, but he’s looking pretty good right now regardless.

“He’s a complete running back. He can do it all,’’ Smith said of Forte. “He’s an all-down running back as a runner. He can run over you with power. He can make you miss in the open field. He’s an excellent pass receiver out of the backfield or splitting him out along the line of scrimmage. He’s great in pass protection. There’s nothing really he can’t do.’’

Forte stands just 22 yards away from 1,000 for the season and is 13 receiving yards shy of 500. If he reaches both marks Sunday against the Packers, he will join Payton as the only running backs in franchise history to accomplish that feat in the same season.

Forte’s effort and the development of the offensive line have equaled more balance on offense. The Bears are the only team to run the ball more than pass over the last eight weeks, with 238 rushes compared to 231 pass plays. They have been the fourth-most balanced team over that span while posting a 7-1 record.

In six of the first seven games — excluding the Panthers game Todd Collins started in place of Jay Cutler — the Bears had 196 pass plays compared to just 114 rushing attempts while going 3-3.

So much for Martz’s pass-happy offense.

`It’s something that we made a qualified decision now to do because it was the best way for us to win,’’ Martz said of running more. “You look at our defense and we’ve been lights out. Special teams, off the charts. Our part was to hang on to that ball, get points and protect the lead, and get better as we grow. And we’ve been able to do that.

“Plus, you look at the quality that we have in terms of runners. Matt right now is just, to me, just outrageous the way he’s playing.’’

Forte never was concerned about his role despite Martz’s reputation for airing it out.

“No, not really, because I like catching the ball out of the backfield too,’’ he said. “I think (Martz) gave me more chances to excel in this offense both running and catching.’’

Smith was asked to compare Forte to Marshall Faulk, who starred in Martz’s offense with the Rams.

“I mean, that’s a little early,’’ Smith said. “I just think right now we wouldn’t trade Matt Forte for many guys. He’s not on that all-pro team, but what running back has played better football than him as of late?’’

Well, Lovie dear, had you & Martz not been married to the suicide offense for the first half of the season, this kid might have already eclipsed that record. But, you’re 11-4 and many others aren’t, so there’s not much room for bitching.

While Bears coaches might be motivated to sit starters to get ready for the playoffs, the players seem highly motivated to sweep the Packers. They don’t want to see them again in the playoffs and the best way to ensure that is to go out and beat them. I would imagine that the players will get their wish as they have an extra week to heal anyway.

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I found out recently that it’s illegal to swear in Milwaukee. Now that the Bears have been guaranteed a first round bye, thanks to the Joe Webb lead juggernaut that whomped on Philly last night, one source of fun this Sunday might be counting the number of police calls if the Packers fall out of the playoffs.

911, how may I help you?

Dear God sir, please take cover, a S.W.A.T. Team is on its way.

Or, maybe, something like this.

911, how may I help you?

Thank you Milwaukee PD. You’re helping make America great again!

There’s really not much more to say about the Bears. Even die hard fans never predicted this weird season. From the suicide influenced play calling to the abject confusion on any side of the ball, this did not look like a team of destiny. Yet, here they are, 11-4, in the playoffs and two games away from being in the Super Bowl. Seriously, no matter what happens in Green Bay this Sunday, the Bears are just two games away from the ultimate prize. Had you predicted this in August I would have had you committed for your own safety.

So, let’s take a minor respite from football to look at the hope filled world of baseball.

Yesterday Bobby Jenks gave his first full length press conference since being signed by the Red Sox and proceeded to savage his former team.

“I’ll always respect [Guillen] as a person and give him credit that’s due,” Jenks said. “But I want to play for a manager who trusts his relievers, regardless of what’s going on.

“With the way Ozzie was talking this winter and the way he treated me, I don’t want to fight with the guy. How many times did he question my ability, and then saying how he would love to have me back, but I would have to come to Spring Training and fight for the closer’s role like anyone else?

“Why would I come back to that negativity?” Jenks said. “I’m looking forward to playing for a manager who knows how to run a bullpen.”

Umm, Bobby, fans were hoping you would quit blowing multiple run leads in the 9th. It wasn’t Ozzie out there tossing underhanded to power hitters. Oh well, here’s hoping Boston works out better for you.

There is one thing that all baseball fans can agree on; the hope that this or that rookie will blossom into the player they were promised. As IAN BROWNE from MLB.com notes, 2010 was a year where a lot of rookies did live up to the hype.

Call it the season of the unforgettable—not to mention historic—first impressions.

Whether it was one of the hyped phenoms you’d heard about for weeks (Stephen Strasburg, Jason Heyward, etc.) or a former independent leaguer you likely hadn’t heard of (Daniel Nava), you didn’t want to miss Major League debuts in 2010.

There might never again be such a collection of spectacular opening acts in one season.

It did not take long for the tone to be set on splashy openings.

On April 5—Opening Day for most Major League teams—Braves fans gathered at Turner Field to get their first look at Heyward.

In the bottom of the first, Heyward swung the bat for the first time in his career and smashed a 414-foot, three-run homer to right-center against Cubs righty Carlos Zambrano.

Imagine the joy of Eugene Heyward, Jason’s father, as he took in the overwhelming scene.

“We went crazy,” Eugene Heyward said that day. “We were all hugging, high-fiving and going crazy. I didn’t actually see it. We were being mobbed by each other. We were knocking each other’s hats and glasses off. We just saw the ball go out and after that we just erupted. It was unbelievable.”

One month later—May 7 to be exact—a 20-year-old shortstop named Starlin Castro had a similar introduction to Major League pitching, smashing a three-run homer in his first career-at bat. Later in the game, which was played in Cincinnati, Castro roped a three-run triple. Not bad for a prospect who was summoned straight from Double-A.

In a 14-7 win for the Cubs, Castro, who hails from the Dominican Republic, became the first player in Major League history to have six RBIs in his debut.

“I didn’t believe it,” said Castro. “I never expected to hit a home run in my first at-bat.”

Perhaps he should have. In 2010, such an entrance seemed par for the course.

Take the case of Nava. Though Red Sox Nation is one of the most passionate fan bases around, Nava had been all but anonymous until June 12.

In a roster move before that day’s game against the Phillies, the Red Sox sent prospect Josh Reddick back to Triple-A Pawtucket so he could get more regular at-bats. That opened up a roster spot for Nava, a former independent leaguer the Red Sox acquired from the Chico Outlaws back in 2007 for the initial acquisition cost of $1.

Nava, wearing No. 60, batted ninth for the Red Sox in his debut and got the start in left field. In his pregame interview with Nava, longtime Red Sox radio broadcaster Joe Castiglione playfully ended the chat by saying, “Hit the first one out.”

So as the first pitch from Phillies righty Joe Blanton came across the plate, Nava belted it into Boston’s bullpen in right-center for a grand slam in a game that was broadcast nationally by FOX. Kevin Kouzmanoff (Sept. 2, 2006) is the only other player to hit a grand slam on the first pitch of his Major League career.

The tale of Nava was surreal. He was only 70 pounds when he started high school and spent part of his college years as an equipment manager for the baseball team at Santa Clara University.

“He wasn’t a prospect,” said Don Nava, who was in the stands at Fenway Park with wife, Becky, to witness their son’s magical moment. “He’s never been a prospect. He washed uniforms for two years at Santa Clara. He’s called me between the washer and the dryer. I say, ‘What are you doing?’ He says, ‘I’ve got a pocket full of quarters. I’m going from the washer to the dryer.’ The guy is getting kicked out of the laundromat on a Saturday night in Compton, Calif.”

If the story of Nava is one that literally came out of nowhere, the one four days earlier involving Strasburg had been building for days, if not weeks. Yet even after all that hype, Strasburg somehow exceeded it in his June 8 debut for the Washington Nationals.

In a seven-inning clinic of power pitching, Strasburg fanned 14 batters and walked nobody. He gave up four hits and two runs, and a packed house of 40,315 at Nationals Park loved every minute of it. Strasburg would come just one punchout shy of the record in a debut, set by Karl Spooner in 1954 and tied by J.R. Richard in ‘71.

“I was just going to go out there and have fun,” Strasburg said. “It’s kind of amazing. It’s kind of like when you get married and everything. You kind of want to go into it and really remember everything. Once it’s done, you don’t remember a single thing.”

While the debut was the pinnacle of Strasburg’s rookie year, his season-ending Tommy John surgery on Aug. 27 was the low point. Once his recovery is complete, the Nationals hope Strasburg will resume blowing away the competition.

No sooner had Strasburg underwent surgery than another flame-thrower came up to the Majors after weeks of anticipation.

Cuban defector Aroldis Chapman had been clocked at 105 mph in the Minor Leagues. The night the Reds called him up, the lefty swiftly got to show off his lightning bolt of an arm in front of the home crowd at Great American Ball Park.

In a bottom of the eighth inning that Reds fans will never forget, Chapman mowed down the side in order, striking out one and unleashing two pitches that were clocked at 102.

Chapman made 15 outings for the National League Central champion Reds down the stretch, striking out 19 over 13 1/3 innings.

There was yet one more debut to remember in 2010, and it happened in Toronto on Aug. 7. That was where Blue Jays catcher J.P. Arencibia—the club’s first selection in the 2007 First-Year Player Draft—belted the first pitch of his career out of the park. His first MLB game consisted of four hits and two homers. Arencibia was the first player since 1900 to have four hits and two homers in his first Major League game, and his heroics keyed a 17-11 win over the Rays.

“I could never have imagined this,” Arencibia said. “I could never have imagined this—ever.”

And it’s tough to imagine that any season in the near future will have a collection of individual debuts to rival 2010.

But fans will try. With the Cubs going to be more reliant on rookies this year than they have in decades, fans have to hope that these kids can play. Otherwise all they’ve got to look forward to is Noodle II.

And the Sox are looking at a bullpen that will feature a lot of young arms. They, too, have to hope that those cherubic faces hide veins filled with ice water and gaze upon arms that can throw 95mph cutters.

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Danny O’Shea: Well, wait a second, guys. Who said you had to be good to play football? You play football because you want to. You play football because it’s fun. You play football so you could pretend you’re Joe Montana throwing a touchdown pass, or Emmitt Smith going for a long run. And even if those Cowboys are better than you guys, even if they beat you 99 times out of 100, that still leaves...
Tad: One time.
Rudy Zolteck: One time.
Junior Floyd: [Smiles] Yeah… one time!

How about those guys that have not made the playoffs in three seasons?

11-4.

Hey, what about those guys that did not win a preseason game this year?

11-4.

Lovie Smith boldly proclaimed this team would win a lot of football games in 2010. I snickered. Loudly. What about you?

11-4.

Rex Ryan probably hated losing to the Bears on Sunday. But a certain fetish must have certainly been satisfied with a lot of collective “foot in mouth” around this town.

11-4.

How did that happen? Or more importantly what happens next?

Rick Morrissey dares to venture into that uncharted territory of the NFL playoffs. Remember that little tournament of lose or go home series of games that have not included the Bears since Miami? Morrissey even goes one step further. He has the audacity of mentioning:

Super Bowl {a choir of angels sing Amen}

Question. Does Roger Goodell allow sports journalists and us lowly bloggers to even write those two words without the written expressed permission of the NFL? I know… I know… if I want the NFL, I should go to the NFL.

But going to the Super Bowl is a little out of my league financially at the moment.

It seemed out of reach for the Bears as well {pausing for a moment to take a chug of this red punchy flavored stuff… hmmm… that is pretty good....}

And then 11-4 happened. With a winnable game on deck against the always hated Packers. Did anyone watch the Falcons lose last night?  Mathematically, the Bears still have a shot at the NFC first seed {another chug, damn this is going down really easy...}

Super Bowl?

Yeah, Rick mentioned the Super Bowl. Bare witness:

I don’t think the Bears are going to the Super Bowl, but I have a whole season of things I thought I knew telling me to shut up.

I can no longer say with certainty that the world is round because the moment I utter those words, someone will hand me a photograph that seems to prove the planet is shaped like a Frisbee. The Frisbee will have the Bears’ logo on it.

I can’t scoff anymore at the idea of this team going to the Super Bowl, not after all the strange things that have happened this season and will continue to happen. Did anybody really believe that the Bears’ offense was capable of putting up a combined 78 points the last two games? Did anybody really believe that the Bears’ ­offense would need to score 38 points against the Jets on Sunday to make up for the inadequacies of the Bears’ vaunted defense?

Uh, no I didn’t think any of the above was possible.

11-4.

{chug}

Now enters the “luck” argument. Are winning and being lucky synonymous? Perhaps. But does chance play any role for all 11 wins? I dunno anymore. This was lively discussed yesterday on our Bears thread. Bears Superfan RomanF brought it all home with this comment:

Nice win.  The Jets are an AFC playoff team and I thought that all AFC playoff teams were supposed to be better than the Bears?

If you say they’re lucky when they win then you have to use luck as an occasional excuse when they lose.  I can’t understand how a team, when it loses, sucks and everyone should be fired, but when they win they’re just lucky.  Defense got pantsed by the Jets but the offense stepped it up and won the game.  That’s the sign of a good team.

I want to see a dominant team with a dominant O-Line and D-Line pushing other teams around the football field but you just don’t see those teams these days.  Closest thing to it this year might in fact be the Jets and the Bears just beat them.

Bears are a good team but not a great team.  But the truth is, outside of NE, there are no great teams.  This Bears team is better than the 2001 squad that went 13-3 and lost to the Eagles after a 1st-round bye.  Bears are as good as any team in the NFC except maybe Atlanta.  I think a healthy Packers team would be the NFC’s best but as they are, they’re inconsistent and full of weaknesses, just like every team in the NFL, even NE has weaknesses.

Morrissey seems to echo the sentiment:

Before the season, few people would have been willing to bet that the Bears would finish with a .500 record or above. But here those same Bears sit with an 11-4 mark and all kinds of wonderful playoff possibilities in view.

I can give you several reasons why they won’t get to the Super Bowl, but the point of that would be what, exactly? One final stab at exposing a team that has, through a combination of talent, luck and NFL parity, turned water into wine?

Is that water into wine or Kool-Aid?

Either way, this stuff is refreshingly good. And numbs the senses.

Celebrating New Year’s with a victory over the Packers and consequentially knocking those Cheeseheads out of the playoffs just seems surreal.

But then again, what hasn’t been absurdly opportunistic for the Bears all season long already?

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Yesterday morning my phone rang. The, very, female voice on the other end said “Hey. I went downtown yesterday and got two BJs. You want one?” While I may not be the brightest bulb in God’s chandelier, I’m bright enough to know the correct answer to that question. So, when she left before noon, I figured my day had peaked. In some ways I was right, in others, not so much so.

The Bears game came on and I settled in to watch it in the comfort of my home. It started out great with the Bears racking up 10 unanswered points and looking in control. Then the Jets answered. Oh boy did they ever. They hung 21 nasty points on the defense and looked like they were on cruise control for another Patriots’ like slaughter. I needed a drink. So I toddled off to my local watering hole to settle my nerves.

The second half started and a shooting match broke out. This is exactly the kind of game the Bears will lose every time. And yet, somehow, I figured they would pull this out. I had no logic or reason behind my belief, but there it was anyway. As DAVID HAUGH at the Tribune reports, I wasn’t the only one who had a good day.

Rashied Davis’ mama didn’t raise a dummy.

Something tells me they weren’t saying the same thing Sunday night in New York about Rex Ryan’s mother.

When Davis ran onto the field with the Bears punt-return team and quarterback Mark Sanchez didn’t run off, he knew. So on fourth-and-3 from the Jets’ 40-yard line, Davis eyed Jets receiver Brad Smith and was as prepared as anybody at Soldier Field wearing long underwear and mittens.

As the Jets snapped the ball to Sanchez to execute a fake punt, Davis draped Smith and deflected Sanchez’s pass away like the defensive back he used to be. An entertaining 38-34 victory that kept the Bears in control of a coveted first-round playoff bye had its pivotal play of the day.

“They wouldn’t put (Sanchez) in the game and punt the ball, you’re not going to make the starting quarterback block,’’ Davis said. “They did what I thought they would do. Maybe they thought we’d panic.’’

Or maybe Ryan’s arrogance in thinking he couldn’t possibly guess wrong loosened the Jets’ grip on a winnable game in a New York minute.

“It could have been,’’ Davis said. “From watching ‘Hard Knocks,’ (on HBO), he seems like an arrogant guy.’’

In a week that exposed some odd decisions by Ryan, this was the oddest. It also ranked as the worst because it raised questions about his professional judgment, unlike the foot-fetish video that involved personal choices.

The fake-punt call came with the Jets leading 24-17 and with a chance to pin the Bears on the opening drive of the second half. I would ask rhetorically where Ryan’s head was before making such a critical call but, having learned what can happen when his mind wanders, I really don’t want to know.

“I don’t know what they were thinking exactly,’’ Jay Cutler said.

Let’s just say Ryan gave the Bears a foot and they took a mile. On the next play, Cutler found Johnny Knox for a 40-yard touchdown pass that sparked confidence in a streaky quarterback. Cutler added two more TD passes of at least 25 yards in the next eight offensive snaps.

“You anticipate trick plays each week, but that changed the momentum for us,’’ Lovie Smith said of the fake punt.

As surprising as that was for everybody, it might have been the day’s second-most startling development for the Bears. The bigger shocker came with the offense scoring 38 points against the NFL’s fifth-rated defense. Only the Patriots and Tom Brady have carved up the Jets secondary more impressively.

This wasn’t hanging 40 on the Vikings. This scoring outburst against a complex, respected defensive unit showed the NFC the Bears can get to the Super Bowl if Cutler gets hot. That’s not exaggeration or provincialism or anything but the respect Cutler earned with a passer rating of 104.2 that made him 21-0 in his career when he surpasses 100.

When Cutler looks unstoppable, so can the Bears.

Temper that with the reality that if Cutler lapses into bad habits, evident by an interception Dwight Lowery returned 20 yards for a touchdown, the Bears can be one-and-done in the playoffs. But if Cutler limits mistakes and puts the ball only where a handful of quarterbacks can put it, the Bears will have a dangerous big-play capability.

It helped that Matt Forte became the first back to crack the 100-yard barrier in 22 games against the Jets with 113 and Devin Hester tilted the field position in the Bears’ favor. Mike Martz called a balanced game and the offensive line held its own. But the biggest difference was the Bears had a quarterback whose natural ability puts him in an elite category when he makes the type of throws he made in one third-quarter flurry.

“They showed a lot of different, crazy looks so once I settled down and got a good feel, the offensive line played exceptional and the receivers made some plays for us,’’ Cutler said.

They made them easier once Cutler gave up on the idea of visiting Revis Island. All three TD passes came against man coverage on defenders not named Darrelle Revis. Hester beat Drew Coleman for one nifty 25-yard touchdown. Knox beat Lowery for the 40-yarder and Antonio Cromartie for a 26-yard score. This was not the type of hard Knox the Jets will enjoy watching again on TV.

Good thing for the Bears defense that the offense came armed for a shootout. The Jets provided a Bears-beater game plan for the postseason. Take short drops to neutralize the pass rush, attack the quick slant against soft corners and pound the ball between the tackles with more force (Shonn Greene, 70 yards) than finesse (LaDainian Tomlinson, 28).

By the playoffs, maybe the defense can catch up to the offense.

No, I never thought I would write that either.

“I don’t think anyone would have predicted a game like that with two outstanding defenses,’’ Smith said. “Each game takes on its own personality.’’

This one had enough mood swings to require a therapist and a couch. But at least the Bears know themselves much better after the experience while the Jets were the ones who left talking to themselves.

A quick round of kudos to the CBS TV crew. A friend of mine was at the game behind the Jets’ bench and said some fans had some very colorful signs and sayings which they directed at Rex Ryan. The TV crew wisely avoided all of them. I can’t imagine what some parent would have used for an explanation had they aired.

“Well, little Johnny or Janey (as the case may be), Mr. Ryan supposes his toeses are roses, but Mr. Ryan supposes erroneously.”

Maybe not.

One thing we all can agree on is that Ryan really put his foot in it with that fake punt call.

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