CHICAGO BEARS STARTING QB REX GROSSMAN: If there is anyone out there who still doubts that Soldier Field is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of Papa Halas is alive in our time; who still questions the power of my rocket launcher of an arm, today will be your answer.

Its the answer told by lines of angry Bears fans with their fat asses planted on bar stools after Super Bowl XLI in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three decades and four decades, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference when attempting to acquire season tickets.

Its the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Bears fans who sent a message to Jerry Angelo that we have never been a collection of Neckbeards and Sex Cannons: we are, and always will be, the Chicago Bears.

Its the answer that led those football fans who have been told for so long by Fuc... Jay Mariotti to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of this 2008 season and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

Its been a long time coming, but today, because of Neckbeard getting a little boo boo on his ankle last weekend, in this season, at this defining moment, change has come to the Bears at the starting quarterback position.

I just received a very gracious call from Former Bears Starting QB Kyle Orton. He fought long and hard in this season, and he’s fought even longer and harder for this team he loves. He has endured sacrifices for Bears fans that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the 5-3 start rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and rookie Caleb Hanie for all they have achieved, and I look forward to watching them rot on the sideline while I single-handily renew this season’s promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Big Sandy, the Head Coach of the Chicago Bears, Lovie Smith.  I am, and always shall be Lovie’s starting quarterback.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last six years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our team’s great General Manager, Jerry Angelo.I love you so much for re-signing me for nearly league minimum, and you have earned the high first round draft pick that is about to bestowed upon the Bears. And while he’s no longer with us, I know Cade McNown is watching, along with the scouts and coaches that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure. I promise to heave the brick deep and long.

To my offensive coordinator Ron Turner, my quarterbacks coach Pep Hamilton, and the best offensive line ever assembled in the history of football - you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you’ve sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to - it belongs to me.

I was never the likeliest candidate to return as the starting quarterback. I didn’t start with much intelligence facing the pass rush or throwing into quadruple coverage. My return to glory was not hatched from the frozen practice fields of Halas Hall - it began last weekend on the gridiron against the Detroit Lions when Neckbeard tripped over the sideline. Lovie’s shoulders sagged and head dropped. Yes indeed, I was now his starting quarterback. Again!

My return was built by working men and women of Chicago who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to the cause for Jerry Angelo to sign a free agent starting quarterback during the offseason. It grew strength from Jeff George who rejected playing for the same salary as mine.  The myth of generations of Bears fans apathy; who left their homes and their families every home game day Sunday for seats at Soldier Field that offered little re-assurance and less confidence when I was on the field; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to boo along with perfect strangers when I muffed the snap; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that after more than five seasons of watching me throw head scratching interceptions, the people of Chicago have not perished from this Earth. Well not yet anyways. This is your victory.

I know you didn’t do boo me mercilessly last season just to have Neckbeard steal my starting job and I know you didn’t do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead for me to execute a Ron Turner coordinated offense. For even as we celebrate after our victory against the previously undefeated Tennessee Titans, we know the challenges that today will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - more than two futile decades of not winning a Super Bowl, a space saucer looking stadium in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century if Brian wants another raise. Even as we stand here today, we know there are brave Bears offensive linemen waking up in their north suburban mansions to risk their lives for me while I try to not fumble the football. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make it through another football game should Neckbeard’s ankle heal faster than expected and attempt to steal my job again.

The road ahead will be long. My pass trajectory to Devin will be steep and predictable. I may not get there in one game or even one more season, but Bears fans - I have never been more hopeful than I am today that I will get under center and not screw up the snap count. I promise you - we as an offense will not false start.  Even if Fred starts.

There will be offside penalties and false starts (okay, I lied on my pledge earlier. Go ahead and shoot me. Remember, all that is left is Caleb and Jeff hanging out in the team’s parking lot). There are many fans who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as starting QB, and we know that I simply cannot be blamed for insisting to go deep on 1st and 10 every series. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges I face when reading the defense. I will listen to your boos, especially after another turnover. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this team the only way its been done in Chicago since Sid Luckman quit - search for a new QB, search for a new QB and search for a new QB.

What began since 2003 in the depths of that draft must not end on this autumn day after we beat the Titans. This victory alone is not the change we seek - it is only the chance for us to make that change and release Neckbeard so my return to glory is complete. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without my wide receivers catching everything in sight.

So let us summon a new spirit of fandom; of service and responsibility where each of you fans resolve to pitch in and boo me harder during today’s game. Let us remember that if this quarterback crisis taught us anything, its that we cannot have a thriving offense while our defense suffers - on this team, we rise or fall as quickly as I fumble the snap; as one team rooting together for me to hang onto the football.

Let’s hope that I resist the temptation to fall back on the same dumb deep pass incompletions and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our offense for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this team who first carried the banner of the Bears to the Halas Hall - a team founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and team unity. Those are values we all share as Bears, and while the team will win a great victory against the Titans, we will do so with a measure of Sex Cannon humility and determination to heal the divides of a QB controversy that is sure to develop from the Monday Morning Armchair QBs.  As Ditka said to a nation far more divided than our team, I am not the enemy, but friends...though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. Okay, Ditka never said anything nice about me but he will after today’s game. And my dad did send him flowers to win over a little love. And to those Bears fans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your cheers, but I hear your boos, I need your help, and I will be your QB too. And if you cannot handle it, kiss my ass!

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our city limits, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world (ie. Cleveland) - our stories are singular, but our destiny of me quarterbacking the Bears is shared, and a new dawn of football follies is at hand. To those who would tear Soldier Field down - we will defeat you or at least try real hard in not embarrassing ourselves against Jeff Fisher’s defense. To those who seek peace and security - those ideals died when Neckbeard’s ankle bent sideways. And to all those who have wondered if the light bulb in my noggin’ still flickers - today I will prove once more that the true strength of my legendary career comes from the might of my arm and not the enduring power of other ideals: mobility, establishing the run, scrambling outside the pocket, and hanging onto the damn pigskin.

For that is the true genius of playing quarterback in the NFL - today’s garbage is tomorrow’s treasure. Our offense can be perfected. And what we have already achieved with me on the sideline gives us hope for what we can and must achieve today against the Titans.

This game against the Titans will have many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that’s on my mind today is about a woman with huge jugs and a great ass that has the hots for da Sex Cannon that is sitting 4 rows up from the 50 yard line. She’s a lot like the millions of other chicks who stood in line in front of my hotel room to comfort me while I awaited my return to glory except for one thing - Paris Hilton belongs to Brian and even I won’t go there unless first bathed in penicillin.

Paris was born just a generation past having enough class not to whore itself for a MTV BFF reality show; a time when there were no rich sluts minus the panties driving drunk on the road; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons - because she was passed out drunk and forgot or because she woke up ashamed to discover she was in Toko’s crib.

And today, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her brief fling with Brian in Chicago (geez, this took a real weird turn, huh?) - the heartache and the hope of being noticed by the press; the struggle and the progress of sitting on a public toilet; the times I was told that I couldn’t throw deep on every first down (but did anyways) , and the men and women who inserted themselves into Paris over and over again: Yes I can.

At a time when Paris’ throat was infected and her hopes dismissed for a return call from Brian, she lived to see me stand up in the pocket and checkdown to Greg only to be intercepted and returned for a touchdown. Crap happens.

When there was despair in the Super Bowl and depression across Chicago, Paris saw a city conquer fear itself with a New QB, and a new sense of common purpose. Don’t drop the football. Yes I can.

When my superbad bombs fell on the other team’s 20 (and intercepted) and hometown boos threatened to ruin my rep, Paris was there to witness a my rise to greatness and the Bears were saved once again by me. Yes I can.

Paris was there for the buses to Dolphin Stadium to play the Colts, and our return flight home where nobody greeted us at O’Hare and SouthSideSlim from Atlanta who told a people that We Shall Overcome but only if Rex was benched. Screw you Slim! Yes I can.

A man scored a touched down on a kick return (Devin Hester, you are ridiculous!), a concrete wall came down at Wrigley Field, Chicago was connected by our own science and imagination of nickel diming the hell out of those commuters on the tollways. And this year, in this season, Paris touched her finger to my special place (don’t tell Brian), and cast her… well ya’ll know what happened next, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows Sexy Rexy will never change. Yes I can.

Chicago, you have come so far in understanding my genius as the Bears QB. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So today, let us ask ourselves - if our fans should live to see the next season; if my fans should be so lucky to live to see the day of another QB like Sid Luckman, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is my chance to answer that call. This is my moment (again). This is my time - to put our offensive line back to work and open doors of opportunity for the Titans defense to pad those interception statistics; to restore prosperity and promote the cause for booing; to reclaim my rightful place as this team’s starting quarterback and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, I am the one; that while I breathe, I know, and where I am met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell me that I can’t, I will respond with that timeless creed that sums up my spirit:

F-you.

Yes I Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the Chicago Bears. ‘Coz we all know we are gonna need divine intervention…

3 times these teams have met in the playoffs. 3 times the Fire fuimos a casa and the Revolution marched on to glory. Obviously, coach Denis Hamlett’s team didn’t give a rat’s patoot about history. Scoring one goal to avenge each previous loss, the Fire romped over the New England Revolution 3-0 to advance to the Eastern Conference Finals.

So, for now, Chicago has at least one football team that has advanced deep into the playoffs with an overwhelming offense protected by a powerful defense.

See? It can happen. Even here.

Tribune writer, Luis Arroyave, does a nice job of helping put this all in perspective.

Gonzalo Segares has had a hard time trying to forget the 2005 Eastern Conference final against the New England Revolution. The Fire defender’s game-tying goal in stoppage time was disallowed because of an offside call.

The Revolution won the game and went on to the MLS Cup final. The Fire went home.

“It’s always in the back of my mind,” Segares said. “I remember every part of that play.”

It doesn’t help that Segares’ mother has a framed picture of the Fire players’ reacting to the referee’s call in her house in Costa Rica.

Now Segares is hoping his mom will put up a new picture after he helped the Fire eliminate the Revolution 3-0 Thursday night in the MLS Eastern Conference semifinals before a crowd of 17,312 at Toyota Park.

“Maybe one of me celebrating with my teammates,” Segares said.

What I like about this most of all is that Hamlett, although Costa Rican by birth, is the quintessential Chicago guy. He has been with the Fire, in one position or another, since their inception in 1998. He was part of the coaching staff that won the MLS cup in 1998 and has been an integral part of each playoff run the team has made since then. Only 39 years old now, with all that experience under his belt, it looks as though the Fire have the right guy for a long time to come.

All of us here at Jay the Joke wish the Fire the best in the playoffs and look forward to them bringing home the cup again this year.

The photo link, of the scene at Toyota Park last night, is courtesy of the Chicago Tribune. Now, CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE CELEBRATION!

Logic is a little tweeting bird chirping in a meadow. Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers which smell BAD. - Spock (I Mudd, 1967)

Here’s the thing, over the last couple of months even the most die-hard anti-Couch people have found the silver linings in his articles. Sometimes even reluctantly admitting that they made sense.

Today is, to be polite, a step back.

They propped up Kyle Orton, stuffed his ankle into one of those tight compression sleeves to keep swelling down, and had him walk in, without wincing or limping much, to the weekly news conference reserved for the Bears’ starting quarterback. Orton said that he wasn’t sure how long he would be out, but that he hoped to play Sunday against Tennessee.

For those of you who are new to the Chicago Bears, coach Lovie Smith has a reputation for stoicism. But there is no history of his lying to the media or the fans. It seems to me to be a long leap from “quiet and conservative” to “intentionally deceptive”.

The Bears have, as has every NFL team, understated an injury or downplayed the harm of its effects on the team. But flat out lied to the media? When? Where? What possible benefit does it have?

Never, nowhere and none, for those of you playing along at home.

When you start seeing the conspiracy theories over every grassy knoll, then nothing can be as it seems and your world view can get a little skewed.

You saw what happened when Grossman came in against Detroit. Fans booed, and then he scored a touchdown and emphatically spiked the ball. Some people interpreted that to mean, ‘’ your face, Bears fans, for booing me.’’

Grossman said he was just happy that the team had scored.

Maybe he can’t admit the truth to himself.

First off, I think we can cut the fans a little slack here. We are talking about a QB who has had triple and single digit passer ratings in the same season. Consistency is not the hobgoblin of his little mind. I will grant that I wish they had waited for something to happen first, but one can still sympathize.

Nevertheless, as you can see, according to Couch people are now lying to themselves as well as everyone else. These men have clearly become so delusional that one wonders when professional help will be brought in and the season given a mercy killing.

In reality, all we have is one quarterback who has been having a hell of a season and wants to play again as soon as possible. So they prop him up, let him spout some happy thoughts and then get back to the press conference.

Lovie did not say he would play.

Turner did not say he would play.

Outside of Orton, who can be forgiven for wanting to get back out there after all he has been through, the party line was laid down by Lovie and laid down emphatically.

‘’Kyle Orton has an ankle sprain. Kyle Orton has an ankle sprain. That’s what he has.’’

He had to say it twice so there was some, albeit meager, chance of his being understood. In the future, he might want to say it slower and bring Cue Cards as well. It can only help.

TomD, who usually catches on the first time, has already started a thread, so CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FUN!

The United States made history yesterday by electing a Chicago White Sox fan to the highest office in the land. This is the first time in the history of our great country that has happened. Because this was an election based on hope, we will take a look at the Sox’ 2009 prospects.

Aaron Poreda, a 2007 draft choice, appears to be headed for the bigs. Which means the Sox have some wiggle room when it comes to the career of Javier Vazquez. Which, once again, may benefit from change. I’ll let Scott Merkin of MLB.com fill you in.

The 6-foot-6 left-hander, who turned 22 on Oct. 1, finished a combined 2008 season at Class A Winston-Salem and Double-A Birmingham with an 8-9 record and 3.13 ERA over 27 total starts. He fanned 118, walked 40 and yielded just 148 hits over 161 innings.

While pitching for the Peoria Saguaros during Arizona Fall League action, Poreda has made seven scoreless relief appearances and has struck out 11 in seven innings.

Working in the rotation as the team’s fifth starter or out of the bullpen as a second lefty-hander appear as Spring Training possibilities for Poreda at the next level, depending on how his secondary stuff develops, or he could make an impact later in the season.

“It’s not quite as good as it’s going to be,” said Bell of Poreda’s secondary pitches, falling behind his high-octane fastball. “But with the coaching situation involving [White Sox pitching coach Don Cooper] and Ozzie’s patience with young guys, he could develop those secondary pitches in the big leagues.

“At the very worst, he has a chance to make the bullpen. He just has a great arm.”

As a friend of mine dead panned, “If no one can hit him, what the hell difference does it make what he throws?” There is some logic to that.

The Sox have also completely retooled their farm system and changed all but one manager. Pitching legend, Bobby Thigpen, is now the Class A pitching coach. That move alone could help the Sox for years to come. If he can teach kids half of what he knows about command and placement, we will have a scarey staff for decades to come.

While Kenny Williams is noted for making the big move when he can, odds are that next year’s team will feature more home grown talent. As a fan who has been watching these kids grow, I have to admit that I think this is a solid idea.

Even so, I still think someone should send CC Sabathia a memo about how slimming black can be. Just in case.

Fredsox49 has already started a thread, so CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FUN!

You will be reading and hearing a lot today about how on September 22, 1862, President Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation and how, on August 26, 1920, women were finally given the right to vote. You may even find out that the deciding vote for Women’s Suffrage was cast by Henry Burn, a 24 year old Tennessee legislator whose mother told him to vote for the amendment.

Since those events the world has seen more and more people break down barriers that were thought impenetrable. Today, no matter who wins, another barrier will fall. And, some day, when we elect our first multi-racial Lesbian Republican or handicapped person or all of the above as president, I think we will be able to say we have attained real progress.

But until then, today will do nicely.

No matter who you are rooting, and hopefully voting, for, you have to admit that this election has truly caught the attention of the electorate. After today you will be permanently denied the right to voice any complaints about the government if you do not exercise your rights in the voting booth.

Okay, off the soapbox and back to sports.

I am still waiting to hear Babich or any coach of the Bears to explain why safeties and corners are lining up 7 yards deep on 3rd and 1 and similar plays. While they’re at it, they can also explain how one of the best built defenses in the NFL can look as though they need companion animals to find the opposing team. The talent level is not so high that every quarterback, not wearing a Bears’ uniform, is actually the league MVP. It is just starting to seem that way when they play us.

That makes Billy sad.

But, since it appears that the Mets are willing to take Javier Vazquez off the Sox’ hands, my mood has brightened considerably. A pitcher who only posts winning records on losing teams is not the first guy you want to hand the ball too. Heck, he may not even be the last.

The Cubs have solved all their problems by firing Fukudome’s interpreter. They also had 7 players file for free agency, so you can guarantee that not all of them will return. Since the Cubs need what everyone else needs, pitching and speed, this could be an interesting offseason.

The Chicago Fire have home field advantage in the playoffs and will try and win this round Thursday night. They can move on with a victory Thursday night over the hated New England Revolution. I have asked a friend of mine to explain the soccer playoff points’ system to me. He tried but, sadly, my math stopped at advanced calculus so I am a little befuddled. Nevertheless, win and move on I understand.

In the meantime, you have enough serious stuff bouncing around inside your head, so take a load off, think of your favorite Chicago band or musician and CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FUN!