Something extremely strange almost happened to me last night.

I was out at a bar with a few friends from high school half-heartedly watching the All-Star Game. With two outs and the NL down 5-2, it appears all but over when Dmitri Young steps up to the plate.

My friend DJ, typically a reserved fellow, almost jumps out of his chair talking about how he thinks he had a dream about this where Dmitri Young sparked an NL comeback while DJ was watching at the exact bar in which we were sitting. This bizarre case of déjà vu comes completely out of nowhere and leads me to tell DJ that not only would I follow him into a religious cult if the NL actually came back and won, but we would immediately attempt to cash in on his new-found clairvoyance with an ill-advised late night gambling trip across the Indiana border.

Just as we’re discussing this … Young reaches on an error and things start to get interesting.

Alfonso Soriano hits a two run homer and we’re glued to the TV. Mind you, all this is happening against J.J. Putz, who’s ERA is barely higher than Tank Johnson’s blood alcohol level.

K-Rod comes in and loads the bases. We’re absolutely riveted at this point.

Then Aaron Rowand hits a harmless fly ball for the third out. So, long story short, I am not a member of a religious cult and I don’t have any gambling losses to complain about.

But the experience did give me the inspiration to make a few predictions about the second half of the baseball season, some of them baseless, others quasi-informed.

You won’t see anything of the “The Cubs will finish with 89 wins and take the division” variety here. If I had that kind of foresight I’d be in Vegas right now. But I do have thoughts on some specifics that I think just might unfold:

Jay Mariotti will change his mind on Lou Piniella at least two more times: Probably the easiest prediction I could make. At this point I can’t even remember where Jay stood on Lou to begin with. And even if he thinks illLOUminating to make a sLOU of LOUsely logical LOUnacy and other pun-based references, I think it’s a LOUke-warm effort that just makes him look cLOUless.

One day when Jaythejoke has enough clout to develop ties with an offshore gambling facility, you will all be able to place bets on the dates of Jay’s various flip-flops. We’ll all be rich.

Aramis Ramirez and his knee will give me at least two heart attacks: The Cubs will not make the playoffs if Ramirez misses a significant stretch again in the second half, and anytime he hits a double he starts hobbling around like a 100-year-old man with an artificial hip. He needs to stick to home runs and solid singles where he doesn’t have to accelerate too much. Maybe the Cubs can get special permission to just have Felix Pie be his permanent pinch runner?

Watching the White Sox fans talk themselves into various prospects is going to be entertaining: I heard a rumor that Josh Fields is the next Brooks Robinson, much like Miguel Olivo was the next Johnny Bench.

Hawk Harrelson will remain silent for an entire half inning: I’m going with the bottom of the eighth of a White Sox – Tigers game where the White Sox are losing 13-2 and Magglio Ordonez has hit for the cycle.

White Sox fans will remind me they won the World Series two years ago: And after some quick Internet research I will realize it’s true. And I’ll have to stop talking. For a little while at least.

Bob Brenly will blatantly start reading Laffy Taffy and popsicle stick jokes from the booth: And Len Kasper will crack up. They have to be the single corniest announcing tandem in baseball. But it could be worse … they could always bring back Joe Carter.

Carlos Zambrano will throw a no-hitter: Just a feeling, just a feeling.

There will be a bizarre, ugly fan incident at Wrigley Field: That fan going after Bob Howry wasn’t the last of it. It’s just been such a strange season there already, I can’t imagine they’re done. I don’t know exactly what it will be … but it’s going to be something unprecedented. Like a pack of drunk guys kidnapping the other team’s batboy or something.

After said ugly incident, Jay will sound the alarms: He loves going on Around The Horn and rolling his eyes at the “crazy Chicago fans” as though he’s above everyone and branding the whole city as a bunch of beer-fueled LOU-natics (his word, not mine) just because of the actions of a few idiots. Then he acts like he’s deeply concerned with the image of Chicago even though deep down he hates it with every beat of his black oozing heart.

That’s all I’ve got for now. But if I get any other strange premonitions, you’ll be the first to know.