Dumping Paris Hilton was a good decision. Selling “My NAME IS URL’’ t-shirts for $18.95 was a bad decision. Understanding why he should play linebacker in the NFL, instead of safety, was a good decision. Sending allegedly nasty text messages to Tyna Robertson, the mother of his child, was a bad decision.  - Village Idiot

The Chicago Sun-Times extending the hateful dwarf’s contract to 2009 was a bad decision.  Matt and Pat founding Jay the Joke was a good decision.  Constantly regurgitating Brian Urlacher’s private life simply to embarrass the linebacker was a bad decision.  Jay’s parents not siring more offspring was a good decision.

Just when one truly believes that sports journalism could sink no lower, the back page pissant grabs his sandbox shovel and starts frantically digging. And sooner rather than later, that downward tunnel to China will be successfully completed by the arrogant ass and shame of Chicago. Assuming of course, Hell is not first invaded and embraced as a homecoming.

Jay Mariotti’s hatred towards Brian Urlacher is disturbing to say the least. After all, other than suggesting that the tyrannical windbag would ideally serve as an effective tackling dummy a few seasons ago, what unpardonable sin has Urlacher committed to deserve these deeply personal attacks? Unbeknown to the world, did he also suggest that Lord Voldemort was a bundle of sticks?

Not content to stick with sports related commentary, Mariotti is simply incapable of presenting an on topic argument without resorting to:

1. belittling the player’s previous relationship to Paris Hilton

2. airing out Urlacher’s text messages to Tyna Robertson

Evidently, the pundit is not quite as confident and smug about his alleged journalistic prowess as perpetrated during those daily ESPN camera mugging sessions. When it gets down to the brass tacks of actually writing a sports column, the needle hits E on the brain gauge rather quickly. So Jay resorts to mud slinging in attempt to damage the credibility of his targeted subjects in order to allegedly prove his point on sports matters.

Shallow. Inept. Cowardly. Disgraceful. #!?*&!. These are all words that come to mind in attempt at describing Mariotti’s weird and perverse fascination of #54’s sex life.

Yes, Brian Urlacher once upon a time dated Paris Hilton. Eons ago.

For God’s sake Jay, get over it. Why the obsession? Are you that jealous of Urlacher hitting the sheets with the hotel heiress or is it the other way around?

Ick.

And what purpose is exactly served by continuously reopening the festering wound between Urlacher and Robertson other than to humiliate? This adds nothing to an opinion on the current contract dispute. It is a cheap character assassination ploy to satisfy a personal vendetta and nothing more.

Evidently Urlacher’s custodial battles are an exploitative source of disposable amusement for Jay Mariotti to sensationalize and beef up his tabloid fodder. Not considered of course, is the matter that an innocent child will one day grow up and quite possibly be confronted with these non-football related attacks against his father.

Real classy Jay.  Perhaps someone out there will return the favor one day and report on your skeletons in the closet.  After all, 2009 is just around the corner.

Jay: My contract is almost up. I want more money.  Pay me now or I’m going on vacation.

S/T Boss: Well, we got a few disturbing reports provided by the Urlacher Tribune that you enjoy the intimate company of a vinyl blow up dolls.

Jay: That’s not true!

S/T Boss: We here at the Sun-Times would prefer to only report on such matters for profit. But certainly do not condone this deviant behavior from our employees.

Jay: That’s not fair! My personal life ain’t nobody’s business!

S/T Boss: Yeah but it may sell a few more papers. We’re letting the guys draw straws to write a feature.  Might even be a long running series if this meets our expectations.

Jay: You print it and I’ll walk.  Yahoo! will hire me.

S/T Boss: I doubt it but that is your prerogative. There is the door. Have a nice life Jay.

Allegedly, Mariotti has children. Reproductive capability resulting in successful procreation (twice!) by the bobble head admittedly does broach the outer limits of human rational thought but those are the rumors. Kids grow up and do stupid things. It is a fact of life. Assuredly, he would not appreciate if Halas Hall one day mocked any family disturbances or conflicts in his household by posting such a scenario on its team website. Let alone by his own employer’s back page.

What goes around, comes around.

Careful there Jay. Karma can indeed be a backstabbing bitch.

And Brian? Welcome back to Chicago. Have a safe and successful season.