Logan 5: Killed? Why do you use that word?
Jessica 6: Isn’t that what you do? Kill?
Logan 5: I’ve never killed anyone in my life. Sandman terminate runners. What’s your name?
Jessica 6: Jessica.
Logan 5: You’re sad enough. You’re beautiful. Let’s have sex.
Jessica 6: No.
Logan 5: Then why are you wasting my time, hmmm? Why did you put yourself on the circuit?
Jessica 6: I thought I had to do something. I told you it was a mistake. And I’ve changed my mind.
Logan 5: Because I’m a Sandman? Am I your first?
Jessica 6: Yes.

Rod Blagojevich had a dream.

And in his dream, all in Illinois was good. At least for him. Patti’s real estate business was wonderfully lucrative. King Dick feared him and Barry always returned his calls. Roland was happy, Roland’s son was gainfully employed and the Jesses were nowhere in sight. July 1, 2 and 3rd would be declared Rod Blagojevich Happy Holiday by the state legislature.

But best of all?

Illinois People’s Wrigley Field of Dreams - A State of Illinois Project approved by Rod R. Blagojevich, Governor for Life

Rod Blagojevich gets goosebumps every time he reads that road sign every 5 miles on the way to Illinois People’s Wrigley Field of Dreams.

He loves game day. It is very exciting. His limousine is parked up front under the famous red Wrigley sign. Immediately to the right of the sign is an even larger portrait of Rod in his Cubs jersey (minus the hat) flashing a toothy grin and an enthusiastic thumbs up. Of course, the sign warmly welcomes Rod R. Blagojevich, Governor for Life.

He casually walks inside Wrigley Field. Ahh, the smell of fresh grass and popcorn. What an aroma! A small chunk of concrete is heard falling off the upper deck and landing below. Rod ignores that and heads for the Cubs clubhouse. He soon runs across Lou Piniella. The manager quickly takes off his ball cap and offers a respectful bow. The Governor for life reaches into his Cubs warm up jacket and pulls out a sheet of paper and hands it to Piniella. It is the starting lineup. A grateful Lou profusely thanks Rod. And of course hands him an envelope full of cash.

The Cubs engage in a little warmup on the field prior to the game. Rod is in full gear. He shows Fukudome the finer points of not looking like a complete ass in the batter’s box. And he shows Soriano how to properly stretch his groin muscles. Rod has very flexible hip muscles and strips down to his runner’s Nikes to prove a point to Alfonso. The entire team encircles the Governor for Life. And they enthusiastically hail Rod’s incredibly shaped quads. Before leaving the field, Rod hands Jeff Samardzija a special ebony handled hairbrush. And a business card to his barber. Samardzija is most grateful. And he as well hands Rod an envelope full of cash.

The crowd of adoring Blagomites begin to flood into Illinois People’s Wrigley Field of Dreams. Yes, the first place Cardinals are in town but the real event is catching a glimpse of Rod Blagojevich. Rumor has swirled that Rod might actually pinch hit. Maybe even in the first inning. Or he might be the new closer. After all, Gregg has been awful, Kerry is nowhere in sight and Marmol still mumbles about the WBC. If enough cash is thrown onto the field by the Blagomites, the Governor for Life promised on his radio talk show that he might take off his shirt while pitching or hitting. Or maybe he will do both! This was also reiterated on the Rod Blagojevich Governor for Life Reality Television Show. Pay per view of course. But worth it.

Game time is quickly approaching. Tony LaRussa quickly rushes out of the visitor dugout to embrace Rod Blagojevich. And he too hands the Governor for Life an envelope full of cash and begs Rod not to fix the game. The Governor for Life simply smiles and shoos away LaRussa. But he does promise that they will go out afterward for a few drinks. However the drinks and cab fare are on LaRussa.

The PA announcer requests that everyone rise and take off their hats for the Rod Blagojevich Anthem.  Patti and Rod both step up to the microphone at home plate and sing their hearts out. Sniffles and tears of joy are heard from the adoring masses. Cash is flung onto the field. Rod teases the crowd by flashing a nipple. Another chunk of concrete falls due to the vibration of the grandstand. Rod throws the honorary pitch. It skips the ground twice and past a diving Geo Soto. Rod stares down the fearful umpire who quickly calls for a strike. Soto grabs the baseball and hands it to Rod. Along with an envelope full of cash.

After about 3 innings, Rod Blagojevich Governor for Life is distraught. The score is 1-0 favoring the Cardinals. This is not going according to plan. Something must be done. So a state of emergency is declared. Lou Piniella is fired. And replaced by Rod Blagojevich. Piniella is jeered as he leaves Illinois People’s Wrigley Field of Dreams. A hurled beer nearly misses Lou’s head. But the beverage strikes the John Kass shrine instead. Rod considers the shrine a wise investment. It was quite an accomplishment to have a statue of white elephant’s rear end sitting on top of the head of Kass. King Dick even okayed the overtime for its police protection. And the marble was purchased from Barry himself through the Economic Stimulus Act.

Fast forwarding to the bottom of the 8th. The score is still is 1-0. Rod Blagojevich is seething. He was paid a lot of cash by a lot of people for this game to result in a “W” after all. A lock of hair weirdly tussles out of place. Rod quickly summons Aramis Ramirez to comb the coif. Another state of emergency has been declared.  He orders Jeff Samardzija to return the hairbrush.

Rod decides enough is enough. Carlos Zambrano is due to hit with 2 outs and Fukudome’s on first. It appears that Rod’s pregame pep talk to Kosuke paid off. Indeed Japan’s finest hung in there tough and fierce in the batter’s box while a fastball sailed high and inside, striking him in the forehead. Rod determines that Jim Hendry will be spared. For now, of course.

The moment of truth is recognized. Rod knows what to do. As he has always done. The crowd senses the dramatic situation as well. All Hail Rod erupts once again. Chunks of concrete rain down.

And it is announced: Now batting for the starting pitcher, Rod Blagojevich Governor for Life.

The shirt is off. And Rod is at the plate. One pitch is all that is required. A flick of the wrists. The ball sails onto Waveland Avenue. It even cleared the massive screen blocking the rooftop view. Those massive quads come handy as Rod jogs around the bases. Too bad those cheap rooftop folks missed the moment. If only they had handed Rod an envelope full of cash.  Lesson learned. It is a privilege and not a right to witness history.

The Cubs cling to a 2-1 lead into the 9th inning. Rod takes to the mound to close the game for Zambrano. Before he leaves the dugout, a quick call to the statistician was made. Instructions were understood that Rod would earn both the win and the save. A grateful Carlos lovingly embraces his Governor for Life and hands him the ball. And of course, an envelope full of cash.

It is quite a spectacle for the home crowd to see their beloved Rod on the mound. He delivers 9 pitches in all, 3 even didn’t short hop to Soto. All were called strikes. The final out was Albert Pujols who requested Rod to sign the game ball and hand it over to him. An obliging Rod did as requested and an exuberant Pujols handed the Governor for Life an envelope full of cash.

Praise from the Chicago Tribune editorial board was unanimous.  It was a good thing for everyone involved that Sam Zell listened to Rod. Malcontents in the local press don’t serve anyone’s best interests. Sam proved to be smart after all. He listened to his Governor for Life. He kept his mouth shut when nosy federal prosecutors made filthy baseless allegations. And he fired those writers that dared to criticize Rod Blagojevich’s utopic vision. Mostly for himself of course.

More envelopes full of cash were exchanged. All quite naturally into the pocket of the Governor for Life.

And look what happened: Illinois People’s Wrigley Field of Dreams became a reality. The Cubs beat the Cardinals. Sam kept his newspaper. And Rod saved the day.

Yes, it is good to have dreams such as these. Especially if you are Rod Blagojevich.

How tragic for Rod that Project Elwood was exposed. Of course it is all lies.

Damn yappers.  Better get back on The View to clarify the truth once again.

Patti was right after all. ?!@## the Cubs!

Time for a jog. And think about running for President.