First, you must know that curses are real.

The combination of a Cubs curse and SI curse, two of the most notorious maledictions in American pop culture, could be viewed as a supernatural double-whammy capable of causing devastating harm to the ongoing Cubbie dream

Then make a comparison between two things that can’t be compared. Even admit it after the fact like a politician saying “(I never claimed) HE BEAT HIS WIFE ....”

During his most recent two-week stay on the disabled list, this time for a right calf strain, the Cubs missed him about as much as, well, the San Francisco Giants miss Barry Zito in the rotation. It isn’t fair, I realize, to compare a slow-starting, $136-million Soriano to the $126-million pitching bust that is Zito, who might represent the most disastrous signing in professional sports history.

Then point out the obvious while ignoring the reasons the manager gives for his actions.

As yet, Lou Piniella isn’t budging. He has no desire to use Soriano anywhere but atop the order, even though he’s known as an innovatator open to any option.

Yes, “innovator” is spelled wrong. Let’s get past that. We already know that budget cuts removed Spell-Check from the ST computers.

You see here is where things get murky. While Jay sat in his* bunker, clearly upset that he* didn’t get a holiday basket or foot massage or whatever from Soriano last year, Chris De Luca tried this wacky, new, idea that just might catch on. He went and talked to Pinella to find out why Soriano was going to be returned to the leadoff spot.

From this quote;

‘’We signed him here to an eight-year contract last year knowing that he was as good a leadoff hitter as there was in baseball—or the best because of the power and stolen bases,’’ Piniella said during a private moment in the dugout Tuesday. ‘’What has changed in a year? Last year, he had a few leg problems, and he still hit 33 home runs, drove in 70 runs and just about hit .300. What’s changed?’’

To this summation;

Sounds crazy, but that’s what you get when it comes to Soriano. This is a superstar who performs best in a comfort zone. Remember, he does that little bunny hop before catching flies to feel more comfortable. Hitting leadoff is Soriano’s offensive security blanket—something he especially needs now after getting off to such a slow start, then spending the last two weeks on the disabled list.

We get treated to actual journalism. We also get legitimate reasons for the decision. While I may not be a Soraino fan it’s not my call or Jay’s. The decision rests with that chubby curmudgeon in blue. And the dissemination of his reasons to the public is the responsibility of the person with the note pad. So, thanks Chris for reminding us that not all sports reporters are crazed howler monkeys deprived of their Zoloft.

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