I am a guy. As such, I tend to keep the company of other guys. Birds of a feather and all that. Nevertheless I am proud to say that, even with that limitation, there are a lot of diverse personalities who cross my path every day. I know straight guys, gay guys, Republican guys, Democrat guys and so on. However, no matter how may beers have been dumped in their respective gullets, I have never heard any one of them wax as rhapsodic about another man as Jay does. And I was there when Fred’s boyfriend proposed.

Today, we meet Jay’s new man crush, Mr. Usain “Lightning” Bolt.

He’s a showboat, a hot dog and a clown, the sprinting version of Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens, all those things that cause Bob Costas and the purists to cringe. And thank God for that, by the way. Because if it wasn’t for the show-business flair of Usain Bolt, we merely would know him as that fast guy who became the first man ever to break world records in the 100 and 200 meters at the same Olympics.

God forbid someone ONLY win gold medals and set world records at the Olympics. Who would be entertained by that? Yes, Usain comes prepackaged as a Mariotti Man Crush. He is colorful, self oriented and extremely talented. No word yet on whether he likes text messaging and late night hot tubs.

Instead, The Lightning Bolt is the new rage of sports, saving the Summer Games from post-Phelps yawns and creating a new, delicious debate. That is: Are his antics un-Olympian and discourteous to his beaten rivals, or is he just a delightful, One Flew Over the Bird’s Nest entertainer in a green-and canary-yellow suit? I say the track-and-field world needs to laugh a little and appreciate this free-spirited force, particularly after the high-profile American steroids scandals that left the sport charred, cheerless and almost unwatchable.

Oh, come on, you knew he* was going to mention steroids. It may have been a toss up as to whether he* would use “delightful” (as he did) or “wonderful”. But I still would bet you knew that he* would use one of the most out of date pop culture references available. However, were you expecting Chicken McNuggets?

And what did Lightning Bolt, fastest man who ever lived, eat at his pre-race training table? Would you believe Chicken McNuggets again, as he did before the 100? If it isn’t the breakfast of champion, it will thrill the folks at McDonald’s, another cha-ching possibility for a smart, scheming fellow.

“I got up at 12, and my masseuse brought me nuggets. I’m serious. I didn’t want to go to the cafeteria,” he said. “I came straight to the track, and my masseuse brought me more nuggets. I just had two, though, because my coach said I shouldn’t eat too many nuggets before the race.”

Yes, the quote was part of a generic press conference, but at least Jay attended. And I suppose it is somehow heartening to know that Mr. Bolt pays attention to his coach. Yet, after all is said and done, I sincerely doubt that even McDonalds is going to try and push deep fried, de-boned, chicken parts as health food. Unless they come up with a way for the average person to burn 20,000 calories a day like Olympic athletes do. Of course, that is the real world, not where Mariotti lives, so we must move on.

After using the word “Lightning” 8 times, and “shimmy” once, in this article*, it appears that his* love affair with Michael Phelps may be at an end. You can almost hear the longing sigh in his* voice as he* was staring across the room when he* wrote this;

Last I saw Phelps, he was having a blast with his U.S. teammates at a Club Bud party, where pretty young things surrounded him to gawk and snap his picture. Somehow, Lightning Bolt was having an even better time.

Phelps was also caught by a camera crew singing karoake. Let’s just say that as a singer, he is an excellent swimmer. But, clearly Jay wasn’t invited to that part of the party.

TomD, a regular guy who has never commented on my physique, has already started a thread, so CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FUN!