Since Tyrone is busy - “wah wah wah I got a new baby, not like you people with your old babies, my wife needs attention, my job needs me, there’s a mouth breathing dragon living in my closet .... wah wah wah”- I guess it is up to me to write something now that Little Jay is on his* way home*.

This year marked Jay’s 13th trip to an Olympiad. I should note that 13 is a lucky number in China. I should also note that out of all the crap he* spewed, he* missed that actual fact. I know, you’re shocked that something reality based slipped right past our limp literist. But, boy oh boy, did he* spew crap.

All total, Jay wrote 28 columns* while in Beijing. Thanks to the IOC we all know that there were a total of 28 sports at the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, China. Within those 28 sports, there were 302 separate competitions, including 165 men’s events, 127 women’s events, and 10 mixed events. Over 900 medals were awarded to athletes from all over the world.. I will now turn to Thick McRunfast for a synopsis of Jay’s literary* output;

Of these (28 columns*), 9 were about Michael Phelps, 6 were about the US Basketball Team, 5 were about China.

A few other stories he* wrote about while in Beijing, all important for Chicago sports fans:

Brett Farve
The Opening Ceremonies
Becky Hammon
Himself* and his* scaling of the Great Wall

A few stories he* ignored:
- Henry Cejudo, a son of illegal immigrants, winning a gold medal in wrestling.
- Dara Torres winning a few medals at the age of 41.
- US women’s basketball team winning gold.
- US softball team’s dominance in the Olympics ended.
- US baseball’s run through the Olympics
- US women’s gymnasts Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson winning gold and silver in individual all-around.
- Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal (two people who Jay has said he enjoyed watching more than sex) each winning gold, in doubles and singles, respectively.

So, with the amount of stories and memories that Jay could have, he’s chosen something that pretty much everyone already knew.

You’ll note that they (the articles*) fall into three categories:
1) Overdone stories that nearly everyone has written about
2) Old stories that Jay wrote about weeks later
3) Stories that only serve to increase Mariotti’s own ego.

To break it down even further, of the 28 sports Jay saw 2 (swimming and basketball). Of the (over) 1,500 various sources for food, Jay visited 2 (one that serves animal penises and McDonalds). Of the thousands of varieties of ethnic libations, Jay had a Heinekin.

Oh, and like all good verbal bullies, he* saved all his* manly* shots against China for when he* was running away. Naturally calling everyone else cowards or corrupted for not speaking up during the games.

Why was he* there again?

What grand insight was made available to a Sun Times reader that they could not have gleaned from a bubblegum wrapper?

What really sucks about all of this is that Greg Couch was there too. He posted interviews with athletes, covered a wide variety of sports, clarified the nuances that make up the behind the scenes machinations of the IOC and, simply put, posted some very solid work. He was, of course, relegated to no man’s land in the paper. One of his articles was buried between a story about the Jamaican track team and baseball scores.

Of course, this is the same paper that recently printed a front page article* about a Michigan wedding that turned into a brawl. It had no relevance to anything to do with Chicago, was not a shining example of anything good or bad. It was just a wedding gone wrong. There are enough of those in my family history, alone, to keep the S.T. busy for decades if that is what they want to report*.

At least my family lives here.

TomD, a man who could have medaled in the “Consupmtion of Ethnic Libations (Adult Division)” event, has already started a thread, so CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FUN!