The labor dispute that killed a World Series, the breakup of the Jordan Bulls, baseball’s steroids era, threats to move the White Sox, the mediocre ballpark he built with public money—noooo, don’t blame him, even if he was a prime power player in each situation. - Retarded Vagina

Jay Mariotti has discovered the secret undeniable horrible truth.

Take a deep breath. For those unable to bear bad news, perhaps it is best to first sit down.

Ready? Okay, here we go.

Jerry Reinsdorf rules the universe.

Oh the horror, the horror.

And for Jay, a Reinsdorfian galactic empire (cue John Williams’ “Imperial March”) also includes complete control of the Chicago media.

Excluding Jay of course, who bravely dares to “speak the truth”. Courage of convictions indeed.

Evidently, the pissant has not yet recovered from the heartbreaking development concerning Mike D’Antoni agreeing to coach the New York Knicks instead of the Chicago Bulls.

In a world where at least 12,000 Chinese tragically lost their lives in a devastating earthquake, an unpopular war raging in the Middle East and the average American family struggling to make ends meet (and coping with $4/gallon gas prices), only Jay Mariotti is courageous enough to keep Chicagoans informed of the truth concerning D’Antoni and Reinsdorf.

Priorities, people! Stay focused on what truly is important in the world surrounding you.

And we must thank Jay for such spirited determination, grit and honor. Our prayers indeed are needed tonight to ask God’s protection of Jay while nestled in the bunker to ward off Reinsdorf’s revenge seeking henchmen. Brave soul.

Jay has exposed this conspiracy eloquently weaved in near perfection by Reinsdorf. And gosh darn dammit, Jerry almost got away with it, if it were not for that nosey, meddling Pittsburgh kid!

Want proof? Ask no more:

And when those of us who aren’t in his back pocket go ahead and blame him anyway, Reinsdorf’s tired reaction is to pinpoint a target and call that person a liar, a reneger, a piece of garbage or—in the case of a fine, affable gentleman named Mike D’Antoni—“rude.”

The brainwashed, bought-off media sheep who think Reinsdorf is a good owner need to explain something: How does a good owner let the greatest single resource in American sports history—Jordan—get away from the franchise and lose all momentum from that powerful experience?

For many fans, the D’Antoni debacle is the last straw. Despite the low spark of spinmasters dependent on Reinsdorf for employment—on the local Comcast SportsNet outlet, controlled by Reinsdorf, talk puppet David Kaplan shamelessly referred to D’Antoni as “disingenous”—fans want to know how a franchise that targets a coach swung and missed so badly.

He talked to his writer friend Sam Smith, now with the Sporting News, and talked to the Reinsdorf-friendly sports staff at the Chicago Tribune, which, of course, is owned by a company that has business relationships with Reinsdorf.

Just rename US Cellular Field “Xanadu”, huh Jay?

So lets get this straight just once oh dear brave “columnist*” (yes, we all know that it is a tad bit paradoxical to juxtapose “straight” with “Jay Mariotti"). You lambaste the local citizenry for being ignorant boorish fans. The Chicago based teams are operated by inept ownerships that must be immediately sold. And your colleagues are all on the take and in the back deep pockets of Jerry Reinsdorf.

Yeah, no paranoia evident on the dwarf’s part whatsoever.

Interesting that Jay should ponder:

And if I’m a major free agent, why would I ever sign with Chicago?

If you are not fired first, please don’t bother. Boise beckons you.

But don’t forget to blow up Jerry’s Death Star before leaving town.