I’m sure that you, just like me, experimented with a little BDS&M back in the day. It really wasn’t my thing. My passions are too primal and that much self control was a turn off. Also I thought playing dress up was silly. But still, because a young lady asked nicely, I gave it the old school try. It also didn’t hurt that she looked smoking hot in leather.

In my life I have known several dominatrices. I still do. When they’re not telling lawyers how naughty they’ve been, for $150 an hour with no sex possible, they’re really a lot of fun to hang around with. They’re confident, comfortable in their own skin and usually much smarter than the average bear. And, every now and then, one of them would take pity and have boring, old, regular sex with me.

I bring this up not to remind you how much fun you could be having but to open a discussion on baseball.

Of course, since you’re just like me, you knew that already.

So let’s discuss the joys of being beaten.

There are really only two ways to lose a baseball game and Chicago’s teams offered up textbook examples of each yesterday. We’ll let Carrie Muskat describe the joys of being teased with the possibility of triumph until the last final moment and then having your heart ripped out.

Alfonso Soriano did just fine as the designated hitter. The Cubs just couldn’t find a designated stopper.

Josh Willingham hit a walk-off RBI single in the 10th inning to lift the Twins to an 8-7 Interleague victory Friday night over the Cubs, who lost for the 19th time in their last 23 games.

Soriano hit two monster home runs, including a two-run blast into the upper deck in left field in the eighth that gave the Cubs an 7-6 lead, but the bullpen couldn’t hold it.

“We just couldn’t get those final outs,” Cubs manager Dale Sveum said.

With the game tied at 7-7, Darin Mastroianni walked to lead off the 10th against Shawn Camp (2-3) and moved up to second on Ben Revere’s sacrifice. Jamey Carroll then chopped an infield single, allowing Mastroianni to advance to third. For the second time in the game, the Cubs used a five-man infield, bringing Joe Mather in from left.

Willingham then lined an 0-1 pitch down the left-field line for the game-winner.

“We needed six,” Sveum said of his revamped infield.

Trailing 7-6 in the ninth, Willingham singled to lead off against Camp—who was trying for his first save of the season—and scored on Justin Morneau’s triple.

“That one lies on me,” Camp said. “I feel like I’ve been pretty consistent, but tonight I ran into a situation where I didn’t make pitches when I needed to.”

Camp felt he made a quality pitch to Morneau in the ninth, but the Twins slugger muscled it for a triple.

“He made a pretty good pitch,” Morneau said. “I just got lucky and hit it in the right spot. I was talking to it a little bit as I was running. I saw it hit the wall and thought I better get going and make sure he’s scoring in front of me so I don’t run him off third. So it was a huge win for us.”

After a strikeout, the Cubs utilized a five-man infield for the first time as Chris Parmalee was intentionally walked. Alexi Casilla then hit into a fielder’s choice, as the Cubs cut down pinch-runner Denard Span at home. Brian Dozier flied out to right to preserve the 7-7 tie.

“When I got out of that inning, the momentum should have gone back to me, and then I walk a nine-hole hitter,” Camp said of the 10th inning.

Sveum was happy with Camp and James Russell, who gave up a solo homer to Ryan Doumit in the seventh that gave the Twins a 6-5 lead.

“I went with the two best guys I’ve had all year,” Sveum said. “Once we battled back, with Russell and Camp, you’re going to ride them to whatever their pitch count is. They’re the two best guys we’ve had. All season long, they’ve gotten the job done. One of them had to be on the mound as long as he could go.”

Having an extra hitter in the lineup seemed to help the Cubs. Soriano, serving as the designated hitter, provided much of the offense. He hit a solo shot to straightaway center in the first and then his upper deck blast in the eighth.

Soriano watched the second homer, and justifiably so. It was estimated at 440 feet, but ask any of the 38,014 at Target Field, and it went much farther. Maybe it’s the date that sparks Soriano. On June 8, 2007, he hit three home runs against the Braves.

“I like the first one because that’s what I want to try to do all the time, is hit homers to center field or right-center,” Soriano said. “I don’t want to pull the ball. The second one, he threw me a slider in, and I put a good swing on it. But it’s not enough. It would be a better day for me if we get the win.”

It was Soriano’s 29th career multi-homer game and first this year. After going homerless in his first 30 games, Soriano now has 11 in his last 23. He’s connected in nine straight series and is the first Cubs player to do so since Sammy Sosa homered in 12 consecutive series in 2003.

So, does he like being the designated hitter now?

“Today, yeah, I had a good game, but it’s not enough,” Soriano said. “We have to come back tomorrow and keep pushing it and hope tomorrow we have a better day.”

Starlin Castro also hit a two-run homer in the fifth to help the Cubs open a 5-2 lead.

The Twins scored three runs off Chicago starter Travis Wood in five innings, and the lefty admitted he didn’t have his best stuff.

“Unfortunately, we finally score some runs and we can’t hold them to less than seven runs,” Sveum said.

I have been defending this young pen since they have been thrust into so many one run games they have no margin for error. But yesterday the fault was all theirs. The blew more than a crack whore on Lake Street.

On the Southside the Sox showed the other way you can get beaten. Scott Merkin explores the joys of being beaten bad so early and often that you may as well pack up your Hello Kitty undies and go home by the fifth inning.

Friday’s 8-3 victory for the visiting Astros before 22,452 at U.S. Cellular Field certainly wasn’t the brightest moment of a solid 2012 White Sox campaign to date. Then again, it wasn’t without a few positive notes.

Dayan Viciedo left the game after five innings with tightness in both hamstrings, which isn’t exactly positive, but the left fielder said that he was healthy after the team’s fourth loss in six games and could play Saturday. And Jordan Danks, called up from Triple-A Charlotte prior to Thursday’s game against the Blue Jays, knocked out his first Major League hit with a single to left leading off the eighth as Viciedo’s replacement.

Aside from those varying degrees of moderate good news, it was a pretty tough night for the White Sox (32-26).

Gavin Floyd (4-6) took the loss, falling to 1-3 with a 10.17 ERA over his last five starts, after allowing four runs on four hits over six innings. His night could be considered a qualified success, in that he matched a personal season high with nine strikeouts.

But the right-hander also gave up a leadoff homer to Brett Wallace in the second and Jed Lowrie’s two-run shot in the fifth after a two-out walk to Jordan Schafer. Floyd has yielded 10 long balls in his last five starts, covering 25 2/3 innings.

Warm weather leads to the ball carrying quite well at U.S. Cellular, but Floyd won’t use humidity as an excuse.

“You’ve just got to make better pitches,” said Floyd, who threw 55 of his 85 pitches for strikes and walked just two. “You’ve got to keep that in mind and know the ball does fly out of there. But I’m not going to try to be less aggressive.”

“It’s location,” said White Sox manager Robin Ventura of Floyd’s elevated homer total. “Maybe the count, you fall behind. You give a guy the ability to sit on it and go after a fastball and it’s going to happen. It’s just his location needs to be better when they’re in hitters counts.”

Aside from those home runs, Floyd felt as good as he in his last five trips to the mound.

“Today was a big step for me because I felt great,” Floyd said. “I just felt like I was going out there and having fun and attacking the mitt.

“Yeah, we lost today, and that’s always a downer. I’m trying to take the positives. I felt good. Just kind of continue on, work on it, keep on battling and look six days from now.”

On paper, the White Sox looked as if they should have won this game. They outhit the Astros (25-33) by a 12-8 margin and had viable scoring chances in the third, fourth and seventh innings.

Those in-game numbers still added up to the White Sox first Interleague loss in four games and a 53-23 Interleague mark since 2008.

Adam Dunn drove in one run with a groundout in the fifth against Wandy Rodriguez (5-4), and the White Sox scored two more in the sixth on back-to-back doubles from Alex Rios and A.J. Pierzynski and Alexei Ramirez’s infield single one out later. But this loss was more about missed opportunities for the American League Central leaders.

In the third, the White Sox loaded the bases with two outs only to have Paul Konerko ground out to Houston shortstop Lowrie. A bare-hand pick up by third baseman Chris Johnson and a perfect throw to first robbed Orlando Hudson of an infield single in the fourth, leaving runners on first and second.

Rodriguez was on the mound for both of those escape acts, exiting at 5 1/3 innings, with three runs allowed on nine hits.

“He was managing the game,” said Ventura of Rodriguez. “When we got guys on, he found a way to throw that better pitch, keep us off balance and not let us get anything. We had guys on and we kept getting that rally with two outs. He was able to withstand that.”

“I was working hard today, because in that situation, two outs, bases loaded, all you can do is make quality pitches [to] the hitter,” said Rodriguez, referring to the third against Konerko. “That’s what I did today.”

With Dunn on third and Rios on second after he doubled in the seventh, Pierzynski grounded out to Lowrie against left-handed reliever Wesley Wright to end the frame. Pierzynski leads the Majors with his .431 average with runners in scoring position, but had a rare miss on this occasion.

Houston put the game away via a three-run, ninth-inning homer from left-handed-hitting Brian Bogusevic, who attended nearby De La Salle High School, off of left-handed reliever Will Ohman. That Bogusevic 431-foot blast was the fifth allowed by Ohman in 20 2/3 innings.

Another Astros run scored in the seventh, when Justin Maxwell raced home from third after Jose Altuve intentionally got himself picked off first. Ramirez, who committed an error on Altuve’s grounder to put runners at first and third with one out, tagged Altuve but threw home late to nail Maxwell.

“We’ve just got to be more heads-up and be able to see him take off,” Ventura said. “We were sloppy defensively. We’re going to get better.”

Ventura’s statement came with the confidence of a man running a first-place team. And the White Sox still sit atop the division, albeit by one-half game over Cleveland. So a rough night for the White Sox was not a total loss.

I’m glad Gavin felt good about it all. I’d hate to think he cost us the game AND felt bad. Heavens to Betsy I couldn’t sleep if that happened.

Let’s be frank for a moment; Gavin needs to be sent down until he can find the freaking plate. The Sox have Quintanas and he’s doing fine. And, if my scouting sources are correct (and they have been thus far), Danks is looking better than he has in a couple of years. In other words they have the luxury of being able to make that move. And they have the need to do so. Floyd, when in command, is a heck of a pitcher. But, as is, he may as well be wearing the opposing team’s uniform.

Or backless leather chaps while squealing “YES MISTRESS, I HAVE BEEN A NAUGHTY PITCHER!!”

As long as he isn’t on a major league mound either way works for me.

CLICK HERE TO SAY “YES MISTRESS”

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