As has been noted here many times, people seem to keep missing important memos. Today, in an effort to rectify that situation, I thought I would put them all in one easy to find spot.
A MEMO to the referees for Women’s Professional Soccer;
What? Have you all been trained by blind howler monkeys? You are a disgrace! I have seen better officiating at un-scored children’s matches. What’s worse is that your wildly inconsistent calls are directly effecting the outcome of matches. It is not fair to the athletes who give their all and play the game right just to have them watch helplessly as the outcome is decided by people who clearly need red tipped canes and guide dogs. Watching WPS officiating is like watching the Calvin Ball Championships on acid. Get it together or go home and let people who know what they are doing find employment.
A MEMO to the marketing department of the WNBA;
The level of play in the league has gone up every year over the last four years. People might want to know about that. Since your entire marketing program seems to consist of “word of mouth” it might behoove you to actually get some mouths talking about it. Your wildly divergement discount programs are a mess. Worse, absolutely none are targeted at 7th through 12th grade students or school trips of any kind, which is where your future lies. I have seen enough games to know that people want to embrace this league. And, let’s be blunt, nothing ramps up the excitement level more than a room full of amped up kids out for a night on the town.
Oh, and my wife says that some hot male cheerleaders would be nice too.
A MEMO to the Chicago Cubs;
I have many friends who are fans of your team. They seem like perfectly normal people for the most part. However, until your recent sweep of the Indians, I have been watching them nip from flasks they are keeping in their desks. They are really worried that not only will this year be 101 and done, they are also fearful that the only baseball that will be available on the north side in October will be on the TVs at the Cubby Bear. It is my belief that you have it in you to get back to the post-season and make a run for it. Don’t prove me wrong. You wouldn’t like me when I’m wrong .....
Also, you are messing with our vibe here. Please bring back Bobby Scales so that we can WRITE IN OUR VOTES to get him into the NL All Star Team at 2nd Base.
A MEMO to the White Sox;
It was great to read today that you will face a contractual log jam next year in the outfield. It is always heartening to have too many good players. But, before we get too worried about that, could you do me (and all other Sox fans that may soon need AA counseling) a favor and just win some freaking games? Is that too much to ask? You may find this hard to believe but your maddening climb towards possibly attaining a .500 record is not really lighting a fire under the fans. Other than in the sense that we feel burned every time we think about it.
A MEMO to the Chicago Bears;
No offense to David Haugh (Chicago Tribune - referenced by the above link), but we’ll believe it when we see it. After watching bizarre call after bizarre call from the sidelines, our faith in this team has been shaken. Hearing that a June mini-camp got the players excited is nice. But, in one form or another we hear that every year, with or without Jay Cutler. Show us a team that plays consistent football on both sides of the ball and we’ll get in off this ledge. Until then, could you pass me a beer? It is kind of breezy out here and I don’t want to slip by accident.
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