A JTJ Exclusive – Tinky’s Vacation
South Side Slim reporting
You may remember that a little while back Jay Marioitti for the first time in weeks, went several days without having a column* published (May 3 through 6). I felt there was more to the story that meets the eye. Daily columns* for literally months, some times 2 in one day via his online persona, then four days without one told us that this was most likely the case. So, unlike a certain columnist*, I started asking questions and otherwise investigating. I was right; there is more to this than just a few days off here.
I managed to locate an inside source who, while preferring to remain anonymous, has proven to all of the administrators here that he is highly reliable and accurate. Here’s what my source told me.
Jay and another columnist wanted to write on the same subject for the Sunday, May 4th edition. One would end up on the back page, the other, inside. Would you be surprised to learn that Jay didn’t get the back page assignment from the editor and got the less desirable inside page?
I’ve been tempted to write that “…little Jay stomped his* feet and threatened to hold his* breath until he* turned blue”. While it is an appropriate metaphor, it takes a bit of the seriousness off of the story. What he* did was to take his* laptop and retreat to the bunker for four days.
Imagine, if you will, what sort of column* Jay would crank out if Lou Pinella moved Alfonso Soriano out of the lead off spot and Soriano complained. Jay would rip Soriano for being selfish, wonder what took Lou so long, and somehow get in a shot at Ozzie and Jerry Reinsdorf. There’s a word for such behavior. It’s hypocrisy plain and simple.
Thanks for reminding us Jay that it’s really all about you.
The last week has seen our hit total jump to over 40,000 a day. That’s a lot of people checking in, reading the posts and laughing at the jokes. Or, more accurately, “The Joke.” Most of the hits have to do with our forums (bless their little hearts) and the ongoing commentaries about several non issues.
First, and foremost, was “DOLLGATE!” Yes, the front page exposure of a private (albeit immature) event that was witnessed by less than a half dozen reporters, thrust a very adult theme and all of its repercussions directly into the daily lives of families. Or, to be more clear, I will pass along the experience of my friend Julio. His ten year old son likes to get up each morning, get the paper and read while the parents prepare breakfast and ready the kids for school. So you can imagine the family’s joy when his son asked, over breakfast, “Do all women like having things stuck in their butts?”
I will spare you the moment by moment breakdown that Julio hilariously recounted, and instead sum it all up with the statement that he now subscribes to the Tribune and, no, he did not punish his son.
I should also take a moment to pass along a memo to Carol Slezack. Not all men are misanthropic, misogynist, morons and not all women are psycho Femi-Nazis. However, you do seem to have cornered those specific demographics judging by your last couple of columns. It is said that, in our Internet age, niche marketing is key. So, good luck with that.
Thank to Tyrone’s great post of earlier today we can also add in Jay’s, very public, mental unraveling where he sees a Jerry Reinsdorf behind every cabinet or chair and you can see why there has been a lot for folks to talk about up here.
I won’t bore you any more. Do what all the cool people are doing and CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FUN!
The labor dispute that killed a World Series, the breakup of the Jordan Bulls, baseball’s steroids era, threats to move the White Sox, the mediocre ballpark he built with public money—noooo, don’t blame him, even if he was a prime power player in each situation. - Retarded Vagina
Jay Mariotti has discovered the secret undeniable horrible truth.
Take a deep breath. For those unable to bear bad news, perhaps it is best to first sit down.
Ready? Okay, here we go.
Jerry Reinsdorf rules the universe.
Oh the horror, the horror.
And for Jay, a Reinsdorfian galactic empire (cue John Williams’ “Imperial March”) also includes complete control of the Chicago media.
Excluding Jay of course, who bravely dares to “speak the truth”. Courage of convictions indeed.
Evidently, the pissant has not yet recovered from the heartbreaking development concerning Mike D’Antoni agreeing to coach the New York Knicks instead of the Chicago Bulls.
In a world where at least 12,000 Chinese tragically lost their lives in a devastating earthquake, an unpopular war raging in the Middle East and the average American family struggling to make ends meet (and coping with $4/gallon gas prices), only Jay Mariotti is courageous enough to keep Chicagoans informed of the truth concerning D’Antoni and Reinsdorf.
Priorities, people! Stay focused on what truly is important in the world surrounding you.
And we must thank Jay for such spirited determination, grit and honor. Our prayers indeed are needed tonight to ask God’s protection of Jay while nestled in the bunker to ward off Reinsdorf’s revenge seeking henchmen. Brave soul.
Jay has exposed this conspiracy eloquently weaved in near perfection by Reinsdorf. And gosh darn dammit, Jerry almost got away with it, if it were not for that nosey, meddling Pittsburgh kid!
Want proof? Ask no more:
And when those of us who aren’t in his back pocket go ahead and blame him anyway, Reinsdorf’s tired reaction is to pinpoint a target and call that person a liar, a reneger, a piece of garbage or—in the case of a fine, affable gentleman named Mike D’Antoni—“rude.”
The brainwashed, bought-off media sheep who think Reinsdorf is a good owner need to explain something: How does a good owner let the greatest single resource in American sports history—Jordan—get away from the franchise and lose all momentum from that powerful experience?
For many fans, the D’Antoni debacle is the last straw. Despite the low spark of spinmasters dependent on Reinsdorf for employment—on the local Comcast SportsNet outlet, controlled by Reinsdorf, talk puppet David Kaplan shamelessly referred to D’Antoni as “disingenous”—fans want to know how a franchise that targets a coach swung and missed so badly.
He talked to his writer friend Sam Smith, now with the Sporting News, and talked to the Reinsdorf-friendly sports staff at the Chicago Tribune, which, of course, is owned by a company that has business relationships with Reinsdorf.
Just rename US Cellular Field “Xanadu”, huh Jay?
So lets get this straight just once oh dear brave “columnist*” (yes, we all know that it is a tad bit paradoxical to juxtapose “straight” with “Jay Mariotti"). You lambaste the local citizenry for being ignorant boorish fans. The Chicago based teams are operated by inept ownerships that must be immediately sold. And your colleagues are all on the take and in the back deep pockets of Jerry Reinsdorf.
Yeah, no paranoia evident on the dwarf’s part whatsoever.
Interesting that Jay should ponder:
And if I’m a major free agent, why would I ever sign with Chicago?
If you are not fired first, please don’t bother. Boise beckons you.
But don’t forget to blow up Jerry’s Death Star before leaving town.
Like the spitball-shooting, booger-nosed jerk in junior high, Ozzie Guillen can dish out the abuse but can’t take it. - Jay Mariotti
It must really suck to be Joe Cowley this morning.
Seriously, it has to be an extreme downer to have one’s own Michelangelo masterpiece smeared with pig feces by a wannabe artist.
Yeah, that cannot be good at all.
Poor Joe. Unlike his colleague, this “house reporter” (as Jay would describe the job) sat down and interviewed Ozzie Guillen. And to nobody’s surprise, the White Sox manager provided some juicy sound bytes that also included contemplating resigning from his position at the end of this season. Ozzie admitted that the pressures of the job could be daunting at times. He concluded his thoughts with a message of preserverence and a desire to continue managing until “he was dead”.
Rather understandable. And refreshingly honest. Too often, those employed in coaching/managing capacities in professional sports attempt around the clock work days and sacrifice any morsel of a private family life in order to will their teams to more wins. Such habits have become a growing concern in some circles of sports, in particular the NFL.
Coaching and managing in professional sports lives by an impossible creed. You are hired one day to only be fired the next. What a gig.
Joe Cowley captured this moment of humility not often shared by the skipper. All in all, it was nice work and a commendable effort of legitimate journalism.
Apparently Jay Mariotti either didn’t pay the cable bill or the TiVo finally croaked. Therefore, discussing anything relating to either the Cubs or White Sox games last night was out of the question.
So Jay turned to the Internet instead. Curiosity must have killed the gerbil as the back page pundit inevitably caroused over to Cowley’s web page. And lo and behold, the inspiration of the latest hate rant against Guillen was launched.
How ironic of Jay Mariotti to label Ozzie Guillen a “coward” by stealing the quotations obtained by his colleague in order to fuel this long standing feud when the pissant himself refuses to enter the Guillen’s clubhouse.
Evidently, Jay could care less about Cowley or any other reporter that does cover the White Sox on a daily basis. The gutless scribe has the luxury of hiding in his bunker while typing this hateful dreck at the expense of Cowley and others who deal with Guillen and the players. Both parties are now painfully aware and weary that Jay will rip off and distort any on the record quotes. That cannot benefit already strained relations between the clubhouse and the media.
Since when did sports journalism resort to bastardizing another’s work in order to wage a vendetta that is neither profession or appropriate for print? And this is kosher with the sports editor? What the hell is exactly going on at the Sun-Times Sports Department?
Mariotti has expended an extraordinary amount of venom towards Guillen’s alleged unprofessional conduct as a baseball manager. Apparently such holier than thou expectations are not applicable to vengeful dwarfs:
“What the man-child wants, apparently, is a one-sided dialogue with the world.”
“Needless to say, if civilization began and ended with Guillen, you’d basically have what Will Smith found in ‘I Am Legend.’”
“In a road-trip interview with Sox beat writer Joe Cowley, who works for the Sun-Times, Guillen comes off like a wayward patient on a couch.”
“I’m amazed that someone so quick to jab the knife has skin thinner than a hot-dog wrapper.”
“Guillen is so on and off the map, a GPS navigation series would go haywire trying to keep tabs on him.”
“He isn’t built to manage in this baseball-daffy city.”
“Everything bothers him, which in turn bubbles his blood and makes him say regrettable things.”
“Ozzie Guillen is a crazed, bitter man.”
Prey tell us Jay, of what professional merit do these descriptions of Ozzie Guillen serve to the greater good of ethical journalism?
And one final point Jay. Winning a championship is never an aberration.
That is what makes Ozzie Guillen a winner.
And you, a loser.
The Cubs are on a bit of a hot streak. They just swept the Diamondbacks. Soriano went 5-9 in the series and managed to round the bases without injury. Not one member of the team has made any kind of headline other than the kind that franchises like. They are tied for first place in their division. Lou Pinella smiled without rancor. Those are the simple facts.
Now, POP QUIZ!, what do the following have to do with the above?
1. Tony Romo
2. Jessica Simpson
3. White Sox fans
4. Diarrhea.
5. Florida Marlins
6. Alex Rodriguez
7. Jason Giambi
8. Dusty Baker & Corey Patterson
9. Eric Gagne & Jason Isringhausen
10. Any combination of the above
If you guessed “nothing,” you win a prize. Sorry, bottom shelf only on the easy ones.
Jay’s article*, such as it is, manages to laud the Cubs and caution the fans all at the same time. He* wants it both ways so bad today that even the sexual innuendo jokes seem trite. Yes, it is that bad. And that obvious.
Yesterday, as Tyrone pointed out, Jay lambasted the Bulls erroneously. A fact, yes there are real facts available for those who want them, that could have been corrected with a simple phone call or text message. Today, he* just scribbles on the chalk board with no real rhyme or reason. All I can do is keep thinking back on the 15 year old kid I met last week who feared he would get an “F” in English if he wrote like Mariotti. There is no need to think about that one, son. You would.
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